I have a guilty confession.  During the time I've been stuck on the couch feeding a baby, my activities have been limited to things I can easily access within a two-foot radius and things I can do one or no handed.  In addition, I've become brain dead (I kid you not) and have lost my crazy mad skills of concentration ... a very unfortunate combination for someone who does not want to be driven to the brink of insanity from stupid attention-deficit-like thoughts stuck on mental replay.  In order to prevent suffocating myself with throw pillows (and really there are only so many times I can rewatch episodes of "Glee" and "Modern Family"), I've been filling my brain with mental junk food and somehow found my way to the garbage can that is spn_gossip.  You guys, it's like a squadron of flaming fighter planes falling from the sky onto a fleet of aircraft carriers that sink and crash into a gazillion submarines that plummet into the bottom of the ocean and set off magnitude 10 earthquakes (never mind this is not geologically possible) that create tsunami ("tsunami" is singular and plural being that it's Japanese ... hello, news anchors, get it right arrrghghg) that decimate the whole world.  In short, it's a freaking disaster so horrifying that I cannot not watch or, in this case, read.  After I've left my self-control behind and clicked on links and threads there, I feel dirty and horrified and my eyeballs have almost dried out because of the incredulous staring.  I vow to never go there again because for hours afterward I want to dig my brain out of my head with a wooden spoon to unknow what I never wanted to know but was too bored and stupid to not find out about.  *makes idiot face*  But it was always easy to just hehe about it and blow off most everything posted there as unsubstantiated and probably false and just be horrified and strangely entertained by the creepiness of anonymous people on the internet who, I hoped, were probably just lying to stir the pot.   

But now this video gives truth to some of the horrendous gossip that's been circulating there and makes me wonder how much other wanky stuff might actually have something substantial behind it.  And if there's any nugget of truth to some of the more recent rumors, then it seems like places like spn_gossip are becoming known and seemingly frequented by people affiliated with the show, which, to me, is embarrassing.  That place is where crazy goes to have drunken binges and make thousands of two-headed crazy babies with buck teeth and hairy bums.  I'd like to think that spn_gossip is not representative of the majority of fandom and that non-fandom people, specifically Show people, don't think that it is.  But if I wasn't part of this fandom and started reading there, I'd probably run screaming from the vicinity of ANY fangirl/convention.

Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with gossip as entertainment or people who have fun posting there or reading threads there (hello, I read stuff there).  I just am embarrassed that it has begun creeping into real life and into the hands of people who are the subjects of discussions there because by nature anonymous gossip communities are full of half truths, conspiracies, overt lies served up with a side of obsession that sometimes results behaviors that, I think, can teeter on the edge of inappropriate invasions of privacy.  That's why it's crazy/scary/I-can't-look-away/secretive entertainment (entertainment meaning that it doesn't necessarily have to be real or true).  It's where people just gallivant around with it all hanging out because, right or wrong, it's not meant to be taken seriously (RIGHT? RIGHT?) and surely not meant for the people its about to actually read it and mistakenly believe that a large part of fandom thinks what's there is true (RIGHT? RIGHT?), and the saying "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" very much applies.  Maybe I'm just too sensitive to the secondary general embarrassment (omg, I'm so embarrassed for him/her/you/that stranger on the street who just tripped and fell that I can't look) thing, but I just ... this fandom is crazycakes and, omg, I'm part of it!  *laughs and covers face and can't look*  Insanity.  In summary, I have no self control, am easily embarrassed for other people, and had too much caffeine before bed such that I'm on LJ babbling about inconsequental fannish blah blah blah blaaaahh when I should be sleeping.  Go me.  *waves flags* 

Also, this fandom is a disaster in the best and worst ways.

So I was scrolling through my journal (which I tend to do when I feel like I need to clean by deleting things) and I cracked myself up with how much of a spaz I was (am?).  Dude, seriously?  I wrote this? And this?  Not to mention how weird my show predictions were in that second post.  *makes nerd faces*

Ahhh, I miss the days when I had time to let my inner dork run like wild unicorns through the fictional land of pretty boys and black cars and when I had a brain that had real thoughts *waves at SPN meta posts* and wasn't short wired for smelling poo and baby barf a room away. 

So to exercise my very flabby crack!silly gene...



Also, I went back to work this week.  OMG.  Interaction with real adult humans who are in control of their bodily functions!  \o/

Also also, why is my kid not a tiny, shriveled raisin?  There is SO MUCH DROOL!!!!!! 

Also also also, this hiatus seems extra long that I swear it's 2012. *raises fists*  Make it be January 20-something already!

... good old-fashioned show love.  At a time when it seems like fandom has grown large and divisive, there's a plethora of pairings for anyone's tastes (real life and fictional, canon and non-canon), and the little underdog show about brothers on a road trip in their Chevy has exploded into something about the end of the world, it's nice to see vids about Sam and Dean and the simple story of them being brothers.  I love the creativity and the fact there is so much out there for everyone to enjoy, but sometimes I just like some old-school SPN stripped of all the in-your-face religious undertones and the legions of Heaven and Hell zipping around, when the reason behind Sam's bitchfaces were nothing more than Dean's taste in music and Dean's biggest concern was which sex face he was going to flash at the truck stop waitress.  So it's nice to see a couple of vids where the focus is just Sam and Dean.

The first vid is new, the second one isn't (I don't know why I didn't rec it when it was first posted).  The editing is well done in both, esp. well synchronized with the music in the second vid.  The clip selection and placement of similar shots/parallel scenes in the first vid is excellent and makes you realize how much can be said using only visuals. 



Both vids by secretlytodream.  Leave feedback for the first vid here and for the second one here.

Happy Holidays f-list!

I hope each and every one of you have a wonderful holiday season (whatever festival you celebrate) filled with family and friends and much food and cheer.  Thanks for this past year and all the interesting discussions and goofiness.  May 2010 find you happy and loved and ready to start a new year filled with possibilities.  And for those of you traveling, be safe.  *smish*

I'm still (slowly) working through gifts from this gift meme!  One more down.  \o/  For tj_smartz, my girl who loves boys who love boys, a couple of Sam/Dean fanmixes with songs I hope are up your alley (I stuck in Kings of Leon and more Ryan Adams just for you).

( Music! )

Title: The Lost and the Last
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,359
Warnings: brother angst
Summary: This is the story of how things came to be.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any part of the Supernatural universe.
A/N: For Zazreil as a result of this 2009 gift meme. I hope angst is up your alley, Zaz! :) To everyone else on the gift list: I’m determined to give all the gifts before the year is out, so keep your eyes peeled for weird, scary things with your names on it! *glee*

( And the remaining brother was left to fight alone. )

You guys, this show makes me sad.  :'( 

I'm spammy today, but I can't help it because I just saw some VERY SPOILERLY promo pictures for 5x04 here, which had me wondering if CW got its promo pictures mixed up with some movie or something and prompted me to make this face:



And then I was asking, "But why ... and how ... huh ... sandals?"  *head scratch*  And it all seemed rather surreal like this picture (which is not a spoiler, btw, but is a real picture of MC being MC apparently *snigger*):


Then I thought about it and ended up doing this:


Now all I have to say is OMG WHAT?!??!?!?!?!  SHOW. CAN'T. POSSIBLY...OMG.  O.O 

Why do they have to release promo pics two weeks in advance?  Now part of me wants to skip straight to 4x04.  But I suppose having interesting looking episodes coming down the pipe isn't such a bad thing, right?  ;) 

Bwhaaaa!  One of the best SPN crack!vids I've seen!  Go, Chuck!


Leave comments for lsketch42 here.

Here ends the epic VanCon post!  \o/  VanCon Part 1 here. 
 

( Saturday and Sunday: When The Big Guns Show Up )

 

Scratch my idea that I was going to put together a mini location tour post because hugemind has already done such a spectacular job that I'm just going to point to her journal and say, "Everything she said." :)  I'll just add that there were an insane number of filming locations and we were are crazy.  We decided by the end of the week that everything looked smaller in real life except for the boys, who were gigantic (I think they were an optical illusion). 

Part 1 and Part 2

Here starts the epic VanCon post!  \o/

I'm back and recovered from VanCon!  It was an experience to say the least, but a lot of fun.  I met up with friends and a handful of people from my flist (hi, everyone!), which was probably the best thing about the con itself.  I'll post some pictures and scattered thoughts later, but I thought with S5 looming over the corner all the SPN fans needed a bit of a boost until Thursday, so here are some pictures to help celebrate the fact the hiatus is nearly over!  \o/  Feel free to take any or all of them, post them to your journal or use them to cajole friends into tuning in, as a procrastination tool (*stares*), or print them out and make placemats to serve pie on ... use them however you please.  Just don't laugh too hard at my attempts at abusing using Photoshop and please mention that you snagged them from me.  :)  Sorry, no Castiel because I couldn't find an appropriate, high-quality image of him that wasn't him being "Jimmy". 

Happy holiday weekend to all of you celebrating Labor Day!

Title: Circadia
Rating: R
Word Count: 6,897
Warnings: language, brother angst
Summary: It’s like Sam’s dead all over again.  Only this time there isn’t a deal that can undo what he’s done.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any part of the Supernatural universe.

( There’s nothing much to do when backed into a corner than to take the best of the worst ways out, even if that means grasping the hand of the devil himself. )

I think I've suffered a traumatic brain injury.  I don't remember what just happened in the last hour.  I think I sat down to watch a TV show.  There was a "THEN" and a "NOW" and then *poof*.  My brain broke.  Or something.  

( Ghahhnghghgggg... )

Flist, do you have your daily weekly monthly dose of angst yet?  If not, check out this vid by absrip.  The still art that's used in it is gorgeous and should get a nod just on its own.  But animated, set to music, and paired with clips from the show, it's something to see.  I love the coloring, the sepia tones give the entire vid a sort of ethereal, otherworldly feel, and the close-ups featured in most of the clip selections gives it an intensity and a weird feeling of intimacy that would've been lost otherwise (also, there's that underused overhead umbrella shot from "Scarecrow" compliments of Kim Manners \o/).  The editing is well done and compliments the music; the last 40 seconds are my favorite.  FYI, this is a Wincest vid (one of the best I've seen).  There are manips and some explicit external-source material.  Leave comments for the vidder here.  

A meta by karenmiller got me thinking about Dean and Sam and the overturning of their belief systems since S2 ("HotH") and how that would affect their actions at the end of S4.  I started typing my response only to find I wrote way too much to politely post as a comment (oops), so I'm posting my thoughts here because nobody cares if I pollute my own journal. :D

There are spoilers in karenmiller's post and what is discussed below is based on the 4x21/4x22 preview. 
( Desperate times, desperate measures... )

After months of laying low and lurking on the edges of fandom, I suddenly looked up and realized I've been hiding away for half of the season and we only have four episodes left until the uber-summer hiatus!  And now I'm starting to feel like I'm missing out on all the interesting episode discussions/recaps, meta, vids and ... everything.  :(

The workload is still the same, but I'm realizing that I don't have to do 110% all the time, esp. if it does nothing but stress me out and takes up the little "fun" time I have.  So here's to lowering my personal standards.  *raises glass*  We'll see how it goes starting this week with photocopying intro. pages from a lab book for pre-readings like everyone else instead of completely rewriting my own.  Also, tonight I could finally stomach the sight of meat and was feeling good enough to actually cook an entire dinner.  And even better I ate a little bit of red meat for the first time in months and *looks at watch* so far so good.  \o/  It was SOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOO YUMMY.  Sorry to you vegetarians out there, but meat is delicous, fat and protein and gravy and mmmmm.  *wants more* 

So as I was properly fed and feeling ambitious (and procrastinating), I cleaned out my hard drive tonight and stumbled across never finished fic, half baked meta, and cinematography stuff, and now I'd rather work on that than my real work.  I think my brain is starting to decompartmentalize itself as it realizes the freak out my body has been having for the past 4 months is not going away any time soon.  But more importantly, I found amazing insta-rec vids that I didn't share previously when I was in hiding.  So in lieu of anything of my own complete enough to contribute to fannish glee, I'll pass along these recs instead.

This vid, Somebody's Child, by sabaceanbabe is well done and one of the most unique vids I've seen.  The use of a secondary screen along the sidebar allows for multiple interpretations of the lyrics and lends to its alternating (or omnicient if you look at it another way) POV.  Dividing attention between a large and a smaller screen has an interesting effect, and you'll probably have to watch this vid more than once just to see exactly what's going on.  Also, because of the size of the small screen, to get the intended effect either download the vid and watch it in its original size or maximize it to full screen.  The song catchy, achy, and fitting for a future look back on the "Winchester gospel" (*chuckles* that still cracks me up) and the sequences during each play of chorus are beautifully chosen and will probably make you choke up (but maybe I'm just an over-emotional sap right now).  Go watch, you won't be sorry.



This vid, Kinetic, by maichan808 is gorgeous and flows from clip to clip almost seamlessly.  It's seem to be more of study of camera movement and impressions than a narrative-based vid.  I really like the severe desaturatization and blurriness; I think it fits nicely with the music.  If you want to see some of the most striking pans and crane shots of the entire series (with the exception of the awesome overhead umbrella shot in "Scarecrow" ... more vidders should use that in my very biased opinion) take a look at this vid.

So I’m no longer a SPN Con virgin and A and I got in without our tickets!  :D  I’m not sure if my approach or perceptions of these things are typical or not so I’m not sure if anyone’s interested in my update of the boys’ panels, but here goes for whatever it’s worth.
( No spoilers! \o/ )

In celebration of today, here's a deleted scene from 4x10 featuring our angel of Thursday and his loose-canon side kick arguing about orders from above and Sam and Ruby.  Interesting stuff swirling around in those feathery heads...


On a personal note, things are busy but I'm feeling better.  :)  Hopefully I'll be able to romp around LJ land more in the upcoming weeks and catch up with everyone.  In the meantime have a terrific week everyone.  *hugs*

And thank you to everyone who sent me birthday wishes in one form or another.  It's always nice to get an inbox full of well wishes.  It was a wonderful day, full of some pretty amazing things.

Watch the promo!  From blackjedii.

( O.O )
</lj>

Hello flist,

Just a quick post to say everything is fine, but I'm bowing out of daily LJ stuff for a while.  I'll be visiting occasionally, lurking, posting the presents from that last friends meme, and hopefully doing some drive-by commenting.  :)  My response to convo threads will likely be tardy and far and few in between, but please know I still care and want to keep up with everyone when I can.  Even though I may not comment, I'll still be visiting/reading.  *hugs to everyone*

Also, I want to thank fannishliss for her beautifully written fic, "Why Sam Winchester Hates Death Cab for Cutie".  It's lovely and achy and full of that addictive Winchester codependent dysfunction.  Mmm, love/angst, my favorite Winchester flavor.  Thanks again, sweets.  I love it. 

"Sam knows the language. That’s kind of the problem. He’d learned the language at the knee of the boy who’d invented it. A language consisting entirely of longing, loyalty, love, and the deepest need, the most wholehearted self-sacrifice Sam could ever imagine."

OK, I'll bite.  Can someone please explain what's up with all these references to JP and "Gen" and "Jen"?  Is this yet another product of some wanktastic wankitude or something else entirely?  Normally I have a clue, but this just sailed straight over my head and is orbiting some alien gas giant past the Oort Cloud.  Am I going to regret asking about this? 

And why is there not an option for "STUPID" in my mood theme?  Is that not a relevant emotion/state of being for life?  Hello?  Doesn't everyone walk around feeling stupid about 75% of the time or is that just me?  Wait, maybe don't answer that.