The Wanderings and Ramblings

Did I Sign up for This?

2009-10-28T19:06:29Z

I've now experienced projectile baby poo (so has the floor, the wall, the changing table, my clothes, and the gliding chair at a distance of 3 feet), a stream of baby urine (further mobilizing the projectile poo), and a mouthful of baby spit-up (all over the bed/sheets after the culprit was momentarily put down in attempt to deal with the aforementioned). The deed doer of all this? Is smiling and filling her brand new diaper with more surprises.

SPN 5x06

2009-10-16T17:03:08Z

There's only one thing to say about this episode...

Harry Potter is the Antichrist!!!

Bwhaaahhaa! Seriously, that's all I got. This episode's attempt at potty humor and the awkwardness of the entire plot and the now potential weirdness that is ~~Jesse~~ Harry Potter the Antichrist running around in board short in Oz has me trying to use my Mr. Clean Magic Eraser on my brain. Also, did anyone else find themselves groaning, "No, Dean, uhhhgggghhh!" *Mr. Yuk face* when he started to eat the ham? He's got the inhibitions of a hungry dog ("Bad, Dean, bad boy!").

+ =

SPN 5x03

2009-09-25T11:23:47Z

You guys, this show makes me sad. :'(

points to icon

2009-09-22T22:19:06Z

I'm spammy today, but I can't help it because I just saw some VERY SPOILERLY promo pictures for 5x04 here, which had me wondering if CW got its promo pictures mixed up with some movie or something and prompted me to make this face:

And then I was asking, "But why ... and how ... huh ... sandals?" *head scratch* And it all seemed rather surreal like this picture (which is not a spoiler, btw, but is a real picture of MC being MC apparently *snigger*):

Then I thought about it and ended up doing this:

Now all I have to say is OMG WHAT?!??!?!?!?! SHOW. CAN'T. POSSIBLY...OMG. O.O

Why do they have to release promo pics two weeks in advance? Now part of me wants to skip straight to 4x04. But I suppose having interesting looking episodes coming down the pipe isn't such a bad thing, right? ;)

Vid Rec

2009-09-22T15:34:18Z

Bwhaaaa! One of the best SPN crack!vids I've seen! Go, Chuck!

Leave comments for lsketch42 here.

SPN 5x02

2009-09-18T06:56:55Z

WHAAAAAAAAAAA! Sam and Dean, why must you walk away from each other like that?

It's like Dean's at the end of his rope with Sam. He's just giving away pieces of Sam ALL OVER THE PLACE! First it's his amulet, the amulet that was a symbol of 8-year old Sam's transfer of trust from John to Dean in "AVSC", the amulet that Dean made sure to repossess after shapeshifter!Dean and Sam's knock-out brawl in "Skin" like he was reclaiming his identity/territory, the amulet--the one thing besides the Impala that Sam kept of Dean's--that Sam wore while Dean was in Hell and gave back to Dean as a symbol of their brotherhood. Then he agrees that Sam and he should separate without discussion. Then it looks like ... ack. *shuts mouth* I will not speak of it as I know people on my flist don't watch the previews for the next episode. But seriously, Show, why must you torture us with the slow breakdown of your one true relationship and Sam and Dean's loss of trust in such torturous degrees? D: Sera Gamble is a masochist (I mean that in a good, painful, shake-your-fist-in-the-general-direction-of-LA way). Phil Sgriccia creates very pretty visual compositions--were you all not just ogling that low-angle shot of the Impala at the edge of the broken bridge and some of the shots during the final scene?! Not to mention he just films the most spectacular action/fight scenes, like the one with Dean and Rufus on the porch of the "demon house".

Caps by potthead

But, hurray for the return of Ellen and Jo! I love that they're a mother/daughter hunting team (family business after all ... symmetry!) . Even though it's unlikely, I'd love to see more of them.

The cherry red mustang was awesome, and I'm glad we got to meet the first horseman. Now I want to know what Dean's going to do with War's ring and if the other three horsemen also have super-special rings or other pieces of jewelry. Maybe someone who is better versed in the Bible can set me straight on this--I thought the horsemen appeared in a certain order with the first one being Conquest (on a white horse), followed by War (red), then Famine (black), and finally Death (some sick shade of green or something). If so, I'm curious as to why we didn't meet Conquest first, unless we already have and didn't know it (bhuz?). I know Kripke and Co. cut and paste religious iconography and and play fast and lose with a variety of different biblical interpretations, so they don't necessarily have to present the four horsemen in order or present all four of them at all, but sometimes I just like to pontificate about these things (never mind my Show OCD *wink*).

Also, the last scene was filmed at one of the look-outs or the top parking lot up to Cypress Bowl, one of the local mts. for skiing/hiking. I'm pretty sure this was the same place they filmed Daniel Elkin's cabin and "A Day in the Life of Jensen and Jared" on the S1 DVDs when they're goofing off snowmobile sleds and dodging snowballs. :)

Finally I can post this picture! Too bad the boys weren't wearing sunglasses and were without their jackets during the episode. I think those glasses might be the same ones Jared was wearing on his head in VanCon. *squints*

I can't wait until next Thursday!

VanCon Report and Pics: Part 2

2009-09-16T02:30:35Z

Here ends the epic VanCon post! \o/ VanCon Part 1 here.

Saturday Part 2: Misha

See this post by hugemind for videos.

Misha was the last panelist on Saturday and the first panelist to break the moderated questions “rule” for the duration of his panel, which was greeted by much applause, general fangirl bouncing, and happy yells. This “rule” breaking streak was followed by Jared (during his and Jensen’s panel), Richard, and Jim. Surprisingly, I actually preferred the pre-written questions. WEIRD! I can barely believe it either. *gapes* There was an inappropriate question/statement for Jared, Jim became enamored with a questioner and her black dress for a long time, and digressions about Misha’s tweeting/twitter minions seemed to go on and on. It’s not that a moderated question would’ve necessarily changed Jim’s fascination with black dresses and such or that I was upset at all by the twitter questions, but I guess I was more interested in show-related content and wanted to hear questions pertaining to that instead of dwelling multiple questions regarding other things. But everyone was at the con for different reasons, and seeing the actors interact with the audience in a positive way was part of the fun regardless of what was said.

Misha was very articulate and well spoken without being pompous and in-your-face. Afterward, kjpzak turned to me and said that she could tell he was educated and was obviously quite intelligent, so I glad to know I wasn’t the only one with the smart-dude radar lighting up.

I found it interesting that Misha seemed like he was genuinely surprised at the fans’ reaction and fan following his tweets have generated. I supposed it’s a bit like texting into this big black void and being sarcastic and witty and then suddenly realizing that REAL PEOPLE are on the receiving end of all that chatter and actually doing what you say (like bringing to his panel eggs and black construction paper for the mind control experiment … LOL!). I have a feeling Misha would dig all of the sociological meta written about fandom. In fact, I just read in a S5 interview that he studied social something-or-other (the something-or-other sounded very cranial … was it “social theory”?) at the University of Chicago, which jives with the fact he mentioned in passing that he and some friends were just talking about the nature of relationships based on internet interaction, how authentic they are etc.

I know this has probably been mentioned in a million con reports, but it killed me that Misha kept giving it back to the audience. There was a woman who asked a question about what he’d do if he got into an accident, became horribly disfigured, and lost his arms and legs. He asked her how she would feel. Then he made her go touch wood on his behalf.

Just like he seemed to address strange questions straight on, he also was quite forthright about slash fan fiction. There was a question: “How does Castiel feel about Dean?” and he immediately said that it could’ve been a question that slipped by the moderator (if he’d had one) being that it could’ve been interpreted to be innocuous instead of having strange homoerotic implications. Half the audience was laughing and half was groaning into their hands. Then he proceeded to talk about a fic he’d started reading that was Dean/Castiel/pie. And it was then that he said something that hit the nail right on the head: that slash exists and it’s weird that we’re not supposed to talk about it, saying, “It’s our private thing we do about you.” So true.

Misha’s autograph session was great. He was relaxed and things weren’t rushed. I told him that I’m glad he’s a series regular and am looking forward to seeing more of Castiel and his story this year. He gave me this beautiful whole-face smile that I was not expecting. I swear it felt like he’d hit me over the head with it, it was so big and shiny and almost electrical. I think I’m beginning to understand this thing called “charm” that some people can magically turn on and off and direct it like a laser beam.

I also noticed he had a brightly colored My Little Pony with neon pink hair sitting next to him, likely from a minion (unless he brought it himself in case of an atomic winter *wink*). He was also eating mint chocolate chip ice cream. How he’d managed to keep it from melting into a blob of green is beyond me because with everyone talking and being occupied with signing autographs, it looked like that ice cream wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Don’t ask me why I was noticing ice cream when Misha was sitting right there, but I think I was a little hungry that night.

Hugemind, dianne_37, and kjpzak, and I entered the costume contest scheduled that night. There were some awesome costumes. A woman dressed up as coach!Dean from “After School Special” (with the sock, the silver whistle, and the dodge ball) won first place. We were the Sandover Tech Support Team from “IaTL” and got second place. It was all dianne_37’s brainchild. She found an embroidery shop that turned a blind eye to copyright issues and kjpzak got us the yellow polo shirts. All I did was make stupid jokes about walking around with pokey pencils, iron bars, and vampire bobble heads. Oh, and I stole the phone from the hotel room to use as a prop. :D Pictures are here.

Sunday: Jensen, Jared, Richard, and Jim

Jared and Jensen

The photo ops were great (from what little I can remember) and Jared and Jensen were spending a lot of time goofing around and making sure people were happy and getting individualized attention. There was some dancing going on and Jared kept doing that leg kick thing he seems to be so found of lately (at least based on the S4 gag reel). I saw some of the best goofy photos of the boys yet; Dianne_37’s picture with the boys and her little boy was the best I’ve seen so far, complete with fake choke holds and the most hilarious Jensen expression I’ve ever seen! OMG, what a ham! Jensen is definitely not shy when he’s in performer mode. And I was definitely not prepared for the Jensen effect, which is part of the reason I don’t remember many specifics from the photo op, because I think I was struck dumb and speechless. Hugemind will attest to my ridiculous fascination with Jensen’s pants. That sounds so pervy even though I don’t mean it to, but Dean really needs to wear Jensen’s pants. Um, with his shirt tucked in. And that’s all I should say about that matter before I dissolve into a puddle or pregnant lady hormones.

Dianne_37 said that as soon as Jared saw her boy he immediately started to bend down so he could be at his height. I don’t know how Jared managed to get down to her son’s height; I swear he must’ve been practically squatting because HE IS TALL. That sounds stupid because, duh, yeah we all know he’s tall. But I swear he’s just bigger/taller tall than a regular 6’4” or 6’5” person (he’s got to be 6’5” without shoes, I swear). A is 6’4”, his dad is 6’4, his brother is 6’6” or 6’7” so I’m around proportionally tall men a lot, and Jared is TALL/BIG. He’s the kind of tall that takes up a lot of space. Maybe it’s his presence and that charm thing he’s got going on that make him seem bigger. Or maybe it’s the fangirl magnet he hides on himself that makes people inadvertently lean on him and, therefore, appear shorter *hehem*. Or maybe he’s so big that he creates his own gravity well that attracts smaller masses that end up sort of leaning/clinging to him (right, hugemind and tj_smartz?!).

Because the boys were enjoying the photo ops and customizing them with the fans, Jared’s panel was cut and their autograph session was hurried. Think giant, practically never-ending production line. I appreciate that Creation was trying to get back on schedule, but it was unfortunate this happened with the headlining guests, the ones that I think most people were there to see. I couldn’t help but feel for all the ticket holders who weren’t at the breakfast (which, BTW, you could see/hear completely from the atrium or the “fake” patio as Jared pointed out if you felt like standing there), who hadn’t purchased photo ops and who had basically dropped up to a hundred dollars or so and spend an entire afternoon to see 2/3 of the panels that were scheduled and had to wait hours to get an autograph that was signed by Jared and Jensen who barely had enough time to look up and say, “Hello.”

I got a drawing kentawolf made for me for one of my past birthdays autographed. Upon seeing it, Jared mentioned that he wished he could draw, so I guess his artistic abilities are about as good as Sam’s.

I’m going to skip the commentary on the boys’ panel because I honestly don’t remember specifics and I’m sure most everyone has already read the con reports and watched all the videos. Here are my pictures instead!

Jensen referring to the scar he got during the imploding gas station scene in 4x01. At the LA con last March, he talked about how Kim Manners wanted real glass in the windows. At this con, he elaborated by saying if he would’ve complained more to Kim, Kim would’ve just taken a knife and stuck himself in the arm and told Jensen to get back to work, an obvious testament to Manner’s being an actor’s director and down in the trenches like he was in the attic scene in “Bugs”. Consequently, you can see the band-aid on Jensen’s forearm and later the red scab soon-to-be scar in some of the gas station and motel room scenes of “Lazarus Rising”.

Speaking of injuries, Jensen had this giant blood blister under the nail of his middle finger. Ouch. I guess those of us who are big enough dorks can watch for it in 5x05 as that’s what they were currently filming during the con. :)

PANTS!

TALLNESS!

The bottom three pictures above are the boys pretending to be disgusted with each other when asked to move their chairs closer together because it was impossible to get them in the same shot. Jared started inching his chair so it faced backwards (second picture) but then settled down next to Jensen.

AJ and Travis left a little post card for Sam and Dean from Ed and Harry. I’m sure you get the gist based on the picture on the front. XD

Richard

Richard’s panel was great. I was so impressed by how poised he was and how he came out and wrangled the crowd like he did these things all the time. He didn’t have the benefit of a full ballroom or everyone’s undivided attention because Jared and Jensen were still signing autographs about 50 feet away and people were lined up along the side of the ballroom and/or walking to the line or back to their seats (or out the doors) with their autographs. Richard was introduced, but after that Creation left him on his own. I don’t know if he told Adam that he wanted to field live questions or if Adam just abandoned his moderator duties for other more pressing matters.

He was very animated and walked the stage and gestured a lot. I think it helped to keep peoples’ attention. Not that what he discussed wasn’t interesting. One of my favorite questions of the con was about working with Hanks and Spielberg on “Band of Brothers”. Richard talked about the audition process and how Spielberg spontaneously picked up the video camera and started moving around the actors while they did their reading. I think he said he said he had a “whoa, this is Spielberg in my face with a video camera” moment. After he got the part, he mentioned that Spielberg and Hanks wanted to approach filming in a completely different way. They told the actors not to worry about the camera or blocking/hitting marks, eliminating a lot of the technical side of acting. Instead they let them do whatever felt natural and adjusted the camera around them.

This is Richard gesturing about making eye contact when Misha’s tweets were brought up. Apparently he and Misha were on a bus somewhere together (maybe in the UK while they were at Asylum?) and Richard said Misha kept tweeting instead of interacting with live people.

Anyway, I was half afraid that Richard’s panel was going to be short on questions or slightly awkward with all the other activity going on in the ballroom, but he handled the situation wonderfully. There was no cringing from me on his behalf or glancing at the clock. Along with Aldis and Jake, I would say that Richard would be a guest I would definitely be interested in hearing more from at a future con.

Jim

Jim came out dressed as Castiel, trench coat and all. Of course, his first greeting was “Hello, idjits!” Then he proceeded to do a striptease until he got down to a button-down shirt and another one of his infamous T-shirts. The crowd was ecstatic.

He talked about being coy with the media and toying with the audience during the hiatus about neither confirming or denying rumors of Bobby’s death in S5 (note this is not a spoiler as he was referring to Bobby's new storyline we saw the beginnings of in 5x01).

I got the sense that he’s rough and sarcastic on the outside, but underneath I think he really cares and THINKS about other people (hmm, not unlike Bobby). One thing that struck me was that he was apparently asked to be a series regular for S5, but he turned it down because he didn’t want to disrupt his daughter’s life (who is autistic) with a move or a demanding schedule or have to leave LA at a moment’s notice.

Jim staunchly decided to personalize and talk to every single person in the autograph line. And I mean TALK. The wait in line was 6+ hours long and apparently he didn’t get up or take a break that entire time. We were at the end of the line for a variety of reasons and ordered a pizza to keep us sane. We ended up getting a little silly, and dianne_37 made a sign with the pizza box announcing the end of the line that we later gave Jim. At about ~1:30 am the Creation staff brought in soda, candy bars, chips, and granola bars, so the extra sugar contributed to the loopiness. However, we calmed down by the time we got to Jim as to not be entirely obnoxious and alarming. Despite being tired and his hand probably about to fall off, he was gracious and generous with his time and didn’t make us feel like we had to rush so he (we) could all get out of there. He was giving out hugs and insisted on personalizing everything. And despite his oogling/heckling the girl in the black dress during his panel, he was a real gentleman.

The pizza box. OMG, I can barely believe we gave it to Jim, who read it and smiled and laughed. Then he proudly produced from under the table the most hideous looking slice of sausage pizza with congealed cheese that I've ever seen. D: I think it might've been there since Friday.

And that’s it for VanCon 2009! I survived. I loved meeting erinrua, hearseeno, and zazreil. I wish we could’ve spent more time chatting outside of the con/ballroom/between scurrying here and there. Perhaps our paths will cross again! Cheers ladies!

eye roll

2009-09-10T17:40:25Z

Joe Wilson (and his spontaneous flappy mouth) is a douche.

What are you? A five-year old? Stupid politicking.

SPN Location Tour

2009-09-10T04:37:33Z

Scratch my idea that I was going to put together a mini location tour post because hugemind has already done such a spectacular job that I'm just going to point to her journal and say, "Everything she said." :) I'll just add that there were an insane number of filming locations and we ~~were~~ are crazy. We decided by the end of the week that everything looked smaller in real life except for the boys, who were gigantic (I think they were an optical illusion).

Part 1 and Part 2

VanCon Report and Pics: Part 1

2009-09-07T15:26:41Z

Here starts the epic VanCon post! \o/

It all started on Monday when I drove up to Vancouver and met Hugemind at the airport. There were screens that were linked to cameras at various points outside of customs so everyone in the waiting area could see who was about to pop out of the doors. I was eyeballing them, looking for a petite, solo Finnish traveler who looked like they watched SPN. We found each other right away and lots of squee and hugging ensued.

Then we went to stay with a friend for the next couple of days while we toured areas of the GVRD (greater Vancouver Regional District) that I had never seen in the six years I lived there. Hugemind and I joked that she was seeing nothing but the most authentic parts of Canada (run-down gas stations, abandoned buildings, and parking garages). We didn’t make it to the bottle depot from “Home” or some of the shady locations on East Hastings (like the drug alley in “Shadow” and the street with the pink neon pig for Discount Meats), but I don’t think that was a huge loss with so many other lovely filming locations to see.

Hugemind was just as nice, fun, and easy-going as she is on LJ and I’m SO GLAD we ran around Vancouver, Burnaby, Coquitlam, New West, Ladner, Delta, Surrey, Richmond, Port Moody, Port Coquitlam, and wherever else we ended up driving in circles together. A comprehensive filming location picspam will be posted in the future by hugemind. But if I get myself organized, I might put together a much shorter one with some of my favorite locations and thoughts later, so I’m going to skip 3 days of dorkery and get to the con.

The con was fun. We met up with kjpzak and dianne_37 (and family) at the hotel where much present swapping happened. It was like a SPN-themed Christmas. Hugemind had given me a pink flamingo (which I named Dean), who served as a focal point for many of our filming location pictures. Dianne_37 had custom SPN scarves made for each of us and also brought our costumes she had embroidered for the SPN costume contest, which we won second place in. Dorks! :D

This was the first con I stayed the entire 3 days, and I discovered endurance, patience, and a love for sandwiches and other portable foods (rather than leisurely sit-down restaurant meals) are a must. The lines were long. We were the first row of silver-tickets holders and it still took hours to get to the front of the autograph line. I had mistakenly assumed we’d have more time to do non-Con-related things (like eat hot food at a real restaurant and escape the hotel), so I was unprepared for the amount of time we spent in the ballroom waiting or else rotating who waited while others fetched food and drink or went to rest in the room. Heh. Sounds a little dire, doesn’t it? I think the way to do it (if one was willing to shell out the cash) would be to get a gold ticket in the front couple of rows so you can get the autographs over with and then have plenty of time to do other things (like eat hot food at a real restaurant and escape the hotel).

I found the minor guest stars’ panels to be excellent and really interesting. What I like about the boys’ past panels is the impromptu goofing off as the answers to the questions may have been discussed at previous cons, so I enjoyed hearing from the guest panelists who were new to cons or hadn’t presented at many of them before. Strangely, there was a lot of discussion about Jared’s gas from a good number of other panelists. The most infamous and amusing being Jake’s retelling of Jared’s Fartacus getting the better of one of the camera guys during “Jump the Shark” *snork*.

The production-related questions were interesting. It’s a shame Creation and the production company couldn’t work out security for the set tour. It would be terrific if the 2010 VanCon took advantage that it’s in Vancouver, a venue that no other SPN Con can attest to, and have a panel with production staff. However, I’m not certain that Creation is truly plugged into fandom enough to know that there may be a demand for that kind of panel OR perhaps it’s just me and the subset of fandom I run around in that’s interested in production/direction/writing OR perhaps it’s a bit of both.

This was the first Creation-SPN Con that written questions were submitted before hand and culled through. Adam, Creation’s CEO, selected and asked the questions. At first I thought it was going to take some of the spontaneity out of the panels being that the panelist wasn’t directly interacting with the person who asked the question. But Adam would have the questioner stand so the panelist could say hello and know whom to answer. It didn’t seem to be too much of an issue.

Anyway, I thought the Con was entertaining and an overall good experience. Most of the gripes I had stemmed from Creation’s lack of organization and the fact they seem to still be running around surprised like they didn’t anticipate the most basic of issues (they’ve only being doing Cons for ~35 years) and not from the guests or other con attendees. This is only the second Con I’ve attended and both times they’ve scheduled Jared’s panel directly after his photo op, and both times his photo ops run late and they switch the panels so that Jensen’s panel is first. This isn’t a complaint but an example of how they seem to continually subscribe to the same formula instead of learning and improving. Or the fact the pre-registration desk is the same desk to buy more photo ops, autographs, etc., so anyone who just wants to register has to wait in line for 3 hours when really it would’ve been smarter and more efficient to have 2 or 3 different desks available as not everyone is there to register/buy the same thing. And that way at 11:45 pm the Creation staff doesn’t have to start walk down the line and register people because the line isn’t moving and the registration people at the desk have nothing to do. But perhaps my general annoyance with Creation had more to do with me being overly tired and hungry at inconvenient times.

Enough talk, onto the pictures!

Friday: Gabe, The Ladies of SPN (Alona, Julie, and Traci)
See this post by hugemind for videos.

Gabe

Gabe was first up and was smiling and excited, but composed. He touched on a lot of points previously discussed at other cons, but it was great to see him in person.

Gabe showing off a picture of his dog.

Gabe and his red shoes he got in London. He made a joke about them but I can’t remember exactly what it was. *braindesk*

When asked about being married, Gabe did a cute imitation of his wife (then fiancée) driving and getting distracted by her engagement ring and essentially listing the steering wheel to the side and driving off the road. He clearly loves his wife and being married and tried to explain how it feels “different” than being in a cohabitating relationship.

He also talked about his boy-crush on Michael C. Hall from “Dexter” and his dorktastic and embarrassing run-ins with him at Starbucks and elsewhere. He mentioned how he was so flustered once that he left his keys at the coffee-condiment counter and asked his wife go back and get them, saying something like, “And see if SHE’S there” (she being Michael’s wife). Only to have his wife point out that he sounded like a jealous boyfriend. LOL!

He talked about a project he had to work with puppets (thus the hand). Sorry the details escape me.

Alona, Julie, Traci

Having all three ladies together made for an interesting dynamic. I think what makes these panels interesting is not just seeing/hearing actors talk about their characters and what's involved in the job, but also seeing how they interact with each other.

All three of them seemed to have a genuine rapport, especially Alona and Julie, who joked around a lot and smiled at each other.

This is them recreating Anna’s hand print smear on the back window of the Impala during the notTitanic!love scene. XD Apparently the hand print was made on a different day than the love scene and Julie was in the car alone and fully clothed. When asked about doing a love scene with Jensen, Julie mentioned that being nearly naked for 4 hours with 30 men watching and said it “wasn’t horrible” but “nice”.

It killed me that Traci kept taking pictures of the audience and of Julie and Alona while she was on stage. Apparently she posted them, and it’s slightly surreal to see what it’s like to be onstage with literally hundreds of cameras pointed at you and gleeful fans beaming in your direction.

While I would’ve liked to have seen Gabe, Alona, and Aldis I was tired, so I gave my autographs to dianne_37 to pass onto her son’s friends and crawled up to the hotel room and feel asleep. Does that make me a bad fan? ;)

Saturday: Aldis, Jake, AJ and Travis, and Misha
See this post from hugemind for videos.

Aldis

Aldis most pleasantly surprised me. He was so genuine and articulate and had this million-watt smile that, I swear, made everyone else smile. It’s hard to believe that he’s only 22 because he seems so much more mature.

I didn’t know what to expect from his panel being that he had only been on a handful of SPN episodes, but he talked a lot about “Leverage” which I had no clue was filmed in Portland (I wasn’t aware Portland had a film industry). He seemed to really get a lot of joy out of acting and seemed to be really excited and grateful to be working on “Leverage”. In fact, it was great to hear about all of the other projects each panelist was/is currently involved in.

He told us he just started dating his girlfriend, Christina (?), and he wanted us all to say, “Hello” to her. So he dialed her up, got voicemail, held his phone toward the audience and we all said something to effect of “Hello etc.”

His phone kept vibrating in his pocket. And he'd stop and announce that it was just voice mail or a text.

He seemed to really get a kick out of taking pictures of the audience at the end of his panel and kept flashing that blindingly bright smile of his that just reminded me of a little kid having the time of his life.

I loved his boots.

AJ and Travis

AJ and Travis were like a couple of bouncing puppies. Travis was physically incapable of sitting down and straight away abandoned his chair. Soon enough AJ had him dancing on command: “Do the Slumdog Millionaire dance. Do the Chip-n-Dale dance…” Travis was a good sport and rolled with it; it was easy to see how his improv training came into play. However, in this picture, AJ is demonstrating what he did when he found out good news from Kripke (perhaps related to SPN casting or else more Ghostfacers appearances/webisodes). Travis, in true form, is a blur and dancing out of frame.

When they realized they were also being filmed and projected onto huge screens, they immediately jumped off stage and started flailing their arms in the air in front of the screens to see themselves. LOL!

AJ demonstrating how he once got a scab on his forehead from rubbing a microphone against his skin. He thought the sound it generated was cool. *snork*

When asked about an action-figure of himself, AJ said excitedly that he’d could finally have a six pack and giant arms and that his figurine should have a Chia-pet beard!

Is it just me, or do they look like they really could be the dorktastic and shorter equivalents of Sam and Dean? Just cut AJ’s hair and have Travis grow his out…

Does anyone remember the story behind the "Joe" and "Pat" tattoos on AJ's wrists? I fail obviously at remembering anything.

I got a picture of Travis that wasn't blurry! \o/ Something must've caught his attention long enough for him to stand still.

AJ and Travis seemed quite tired at their autograph session. No surprise since we’d seen them walking around the hotel since early that morning. It struck me as funny how innocuous they are in real life. We saw Gabe having a coffee at the hotel Starbucks with someone, but we didn’t want to intrude. He’s so little in real life.

Jake

I can’t say how much I loved Jake’s panel. At first he was a little nervous and kept drinking from his coffee cup so that it was hard to get a picture of his whole face, but once he relaxed it was only a matter of getting a shot when he wasn’t holding the head of the microphone against his mouth. :)

I could probably go on and on about his panel, but I’m sure most/all of you have watched the con videos and/or read about Fartacus. Here’s him imitating the camera guy who was stuck behind Jared with a can of Lysol during Jake’s coverage during the diner scene in “JtS”.

I was surprised to hear that Jake usually plays dark and disturbed characters. He mentioned that he likes it when a character undergoes a reversal and what they seem to be ends up being a façade (thus Adam). He also said how much he likes Michael C. Hall in “Dexter” and how brilliant his acting is. Then he started quoting lines from “Dexter”. Heh. Perhaps he should talk to Gabe about creating a fanboy fan club. ;)

He said the blood they were slurping on during Sam’s torture scene was supposed to be chocolate, but it was something else that tasted awful. When he kept having to jab his finger into the “wound” in Jared’s side, he kept trying to do “it right” and it was just a bag of goo sitting under Jared’s shirt.

These two pictures are Jake explaining the scariest thing that happened to him. When he was a kid, a rock hit the side of a trailer (?) and then smacked him in the eye. At the hospital he had the choice of a pirate patch or a metal eye-patch thing. He, of course, picked the pirate patch only to be told by the doctor that he couldn't have it, so he had to wear a huge and very non-cool eye patch. Traumatic.

Jake mentioned he’s in the Percy Jackson film slated to be released in 2010. According to kjpzak, who’s son is a huge fan of the books, Jake will be playing, Luke, a main character. Being that I didn’t have anything for Jake to sign and dianne_37 had just purchased two of the books for her son, I had him sign one for her son. Jake was surprised to see someone shove a Percy Jackson book at him. He said the first 3 books are slated for production (the first being in post-production right now) and he’ll be in all 3 of the movies so far. I suspect he’s about to have a league of middle-grade fans and their parents knocking down his door.

Part 2 with Misha, the boys, Richard, and Jim coming soon! :)

The End Is Near!

2009-09-05T19:37:59Z

I'm back and recovered from VanCon! It was an experience to say the least, but a lot of fun. I met up with friends and a handful of people from my flist (hi, everyone!), which was probably the best thing about the con itself. I'll post some pictures and scattered thoughts later, but I thought with S5 looming over the corner all the SPN fans needed a bit of a boost until Thursday, so here are some pictures to help celebrate the fact the hiatus is nearly over! \o/ Feel free to take any or all of them, post them to your journal or use them to cajole friends into tuning in, as a procrastination tool (*stares*), or print them out and make placemats to serve pie on ... use them however you please. Just don't laugh too hard at my attempts at ~~abusing~~ using Photoshop and please mention that you snagged them from me. :) Sorry, no Castiel because I couldn't find an appropriate, high-quality image of him that wasn't him being "Jimmy".

Happy holiday weekend to all of you celebrating Labor Day!

SPN Fic: Circadia (parts 1 and 2 of 3)

2009-06-06T22:11:43Z

Title: Circadia
Rating: R
Word Count: 6,897
Warnings: language, brother angst
Summary: It’s like Sam’s dead all over again. Only this time there isn’t a deal that can undo what he’s done.
Disclaimer: I don’t own any part of the Supernatural universe.

Notes: I know it's annoying when fics are posted in parts, but this has been sitting on my hard drive for way too long that it was either post it or delete it out of frustration. I'm working on part 3 and will be posting it SOON (just as soon as classes are over and I have time to come out of my turtle shell). Thanks to dianne_37 for looking this over. Concrit welcome. Also, Bobby and Missouri rule. Go surrogate parental figures! \o/

[+]      [O]      [~]

“When life hardens into a bead of such cruel perfection you see it with the purest clarity. Everything suddenly there--life as it truly is, enormous, appalling, devastating. You see the great sinkholes it makes in people and the harrowing lengths to which love will go to fill them.”
    -Sue Monk Kidd “The Mermaid Chair”

Heil, North Dakota, March 20, 2008

Dean’s got that wild, desperate look to him. The same one he wore at Cold Oak and that long night and day afterward.

If there was anything that could split a soul in two it would be what I saw that night. Dean’s yell stopped me cold, been hunting long enough to know the sound of someone damn well breaking from the inside out. These legs made it back fast as anything, and I half expected to have a heart attack the way my chest was pounding. Found Dean in the middle of that road in all that mud kneeling with Sam propped up. The two of them weren’t right, too still, too close, the angles all wrong. And I knew right then there was only going to be white breath coming from one of them. Would’ve traded the pain in my chest right then for a heart attack.

Dean was careful, kept saying to keep Sam out of the mud and dirt. He was all business until we got Sam inside and laid out, then he went to someplace inside himself. Kept real quiet. Wouldn’t budge for hours, just sat there in that half-rotted crap piece of chair staring at nothing. Wouldn’t touch Sam, wouldn’t let me touch him even after the blood started leaking into the mattress and seeping around toward the edges. That whole ghost town smelled like death, dark and stale and unnatural, but that room was heavy with it.

Dean didn’t start talking until the next morning. First words out of his mouth were “damn whiskey”, then “please” and “Bobby”. It was like going back twenty-odd years. Saw pieces of another hunter, young and half mad with grief, standing in front of me, and it hit me that these were John Winchester’s boys. God help us all, I thought.

Dean wasn’t right in the head that night. He wasn’t right until he showed up unapologetic and squared for one of those silent Winchester tests of wills on my doorstep with Sam, the walking undead, the next day.

I knew I should never have let him alone.

Now here we are again. Sam’s gone and done the fool thing this time and Dean’s going out of his head again.

“Bobby, what’d you let him do!” he yells, shouldering his way past the splintered doorframe and carrying in the cold. Dean zeros in on the beds and either doesn’t notice or give a damn that he’s destroyed the salt lines nearly ground into the carpet in his rush. His eyes dart to the blonde girl spread out on the corner bed and then go hard. “Who else? Ellen? Jo?” Dean grabs a hold of me. “Who else knew?”

I’d be a fool to give Dean real answers right now. Like a blind bull stuck with a hot poker, he’s on a rampage, tearing up the trail Sam tried to hide and leaving a highway of rubble about a mile wide. Idiot kid. It’s enough to lead the rest of them straight to us. But Dean’s not one to look twice at common sense, least where Sam’s concerned. He’d face down Hell’s army with a feather duster and a paper clip if they stood between him and that stray brother of his.

The lights flicker, then go out. The flowered rag-tag curtains hanging above the plastic heater go still as the fan stutters and dies. Dean lets go of me and yanks up his sleeve, stares at his watch. On the wall the hands on the cracked cowboy clock stop at thirteen past eight, the second’s hand frozen near around twelve.

My gut starts rolling and that spot behind my ears starts tingling, hunter’s intuition. I tell Dean it’s started.

A growl crawls up from somewhere inside him, and in three steps he’s kneeling on the bed where Sam’s lying with his eyes open.

“Sam. Sammy. Wake up.” Dean’s fingers turn white as he digs them into Sam’s shoulders and shakes. “Bobby, we gotta stop his walking.” He rounds to run at the girl lying on the other bed, but I drag Dean away before he does something that’ll screw up Sam’s chances of finding his way back.

“Dean, there’s nothing you can do. Your brother’s a stupid, stubborn ass just like you.”

The look on Dean’s face jump-starts that deep down gut ache of guilt I’ve tried so damn hard to forget. I can’t think of anything better to do but yell about Dean and his deal making and how it started this whole mess ‘cause it keeps the wreck of grief, pain, and fear buried deep where it belongs. And whiskey helps.

The last time I got real acquainted with a bottle of Jimmy’s stiffest was two years ago when John left those boys lost and floundering like two wounded tigers. When they finally drove off in that soccer mobile, I was sure they’d tear each other to pieces with their grief or else crash that minivan with all that bundled up anger (there was a reason I made sure they got the slowest car I had). Never did see that crap bucket of rubber bands on wheels again, and never been gladder to hear Ellen’s voice. When she called about John Winchester’s boys showing up on her doorstep and taking a case in Medford, I damn well exhaled for so long she thought I went and died on her. As those boys limped their way back from the edge, I locked up the Jim Beam good and tight along with thoughts of their daddy.

But I could probably do with a couple of mouthfuls of whiskey now ‘cause Dean’s not moving, just stares me down like he wants to burn me with his eyes. Then something changes, realization maybe, acceptance maybe, understanding, or maybe it’s that damn burden of responsibility I’ve seen that boy carrying since age seven when John rolled into the yard with a trunk full of ammo and knives, a mouth full of demon questions, and a backseat loaded with kids.

I lay a hand on Dean’s shoulder and squeeze hard. He’s all knots and quivering panic pent up with nowhere to go.

“You couldn’t know,” I say. Sam was bull-headed and sure this was the only way, and for all my years of hunting, I couldn’t argue with him. If it comes down to it, burying a young hunter is something you never want to do, but burying two young hunters is worse.

Dean steps away, squares his shoulders.

“He’s coming back.” He says it like he’s speaking some God-promised truth. Dean tears off his jacket, then pulls out his Colt and lays it next to Sam’s Taurus, dusty and cold, on the side table. He’s rolling up his sleeves when I catch sight of the bruises on the inside of his arms. The ones like Sam’s.

“There’s a med kit in the trunk.” Dean jerks his head toward the door.

When I don’t move, he says matter-of-fact-like, “I can lead him back. I’ve done it before, this time’s no different.”

“Dean—”

“If you try and stop me, Bobby, so help me God.” His eyes go to the girl staring at the ceiling with black eyes. “I don’t care what Sam said. I’ll kill her.”

“You can’t. She’s in there with him.”

Dean goes stock still like some animal caught in the middle of the road with an eighteen-wheeler screaming around a blind corner. The bathroom light flickers to life, dumping light and shadow into the room. From the corner bed come two pale flashes. I tell myself they’re only the florescent lights reflecting off those demon’s eyes. The charm around her neck winks silver.

“Ruby, that bitch.”

I don’t tell Dean it wasn’t her idea. No sense speaking what the heart already knows.

[+]

The med kit is full of needles. Dean lines them up next to the guns in two rows, five syringes each, and touches each of them like they’re something holy. They shine hard and smooth in the light from the candle stubs ‘cause Sam’s made the lights go out again.

Judging by the calluses and faded bruises on Dean’s arm, they’ve been doing this for weeks, months maybe. I knew Sam’s wandering was getting bad. Knew he had trouble staying in his own head. Knew after he left Dean after a hunt, stabilized in that Pocatello hospital and the Impala with an empty gas tank and a flat tire in the parking lot two weeks ago, he and Ruby had fallen off the map. But I didn’t know Sam’s dreamwalking had him tearing himself and his brother up.

It makes a hell of a lot more sense why Sam left Dean, why he was so desperate to not be found. “Bobby, you can’t tell him. Not until after it’s over.” Sam’s voice was real hard to make out between the static, so I pressed the phone to my ear like that would make a difference. “He’s gonna be pissed, but the doctor said he’ll be fine. I just … can you make sure he’s … you’ll be there when he wakes up, right?”

I should’ve known that damn kid was trying to save his brother.

Dean peels back the corner of the wool blanket he covered Sam with and lays Sam’s right arm flat. He rolls up his brother’s sleeve like this is nothing more than putting a Band-Aid on a paper cut.

“Alright, Sammy, it’s gonna be fine.” Dean’s voice is low and quiet, even. Like John’s when he’d be talking comfort into some poor person who just had their whole world upended by the supernatural. John, for all his rough talk and silent spells, had a way of talking when words weren’t important, just the tone. Dean ties the rubber tubing around his own arm and starts tapping for veins.

I run my hands up over my face and back down. A day of chasing Dean down blacktop and gravel roads and an hour of watching the heater go on and off, the lights flicker, and Sam and that demon lie like the dead have me worn down dull and to the quick.

“There’s only so much blood you can give before you’re dried up.”

“I’m real juicy, Bobby. Got more than my share of Winchester blood, enough for me and Sam. And this?” Dean holds up a syringe filled with blood. “This’ll drown out that demon blood.”

And keep Sam on this side of human.

I don’t say the words, but Dean reads them on my face before I can turn my back and head toward the only place of privacy in this damn motel room.

I knew things were wrong when I got Sam’s note written on paper from the Trident Motel in Heil, North Dakota yesterday. Notes leave trails. Too messy a move for someone who’d spent the last couple weeks making them self invisible. Too sloppy for Sam, who knew Dean would be wrecking half the world looking for him. Hunters know never to send messages through the mail ‘cause it makes it easy for other eyes to see what they’re not supposed to be reading. It takes too long, is too unreliable. More than likely you’d be left sipping beer in some stale-smelling bar, waiting for somebody who didn’t know where they were supposed to be until days later. Sam never would’ve mailed a letter if he was planning on meeting us. It was more like he was telling us where to find him after the fact.

His note was dated two days ago. It said:

March 20th
Room 3b
Your promise.

I promised not to say anything to Dean. I’m not so high on myself to think me not promising Sam would’ve stopped him. He would’ve still run off stubborn as ever but without anyone to turn to in a tight spot, and the last thing I wanted was Sam running alone in the dark.

But there wasn’t much of a promise to keep ‘cause I didn’t know much more than anyone else. There’s been talk these last two weeks of dark rituals only a hunter would know, things about pulling powers and dreamwalking. People are worried, scared, panicked. A hunter gone off the rails needs to be pulled back in. The quieter and gentler the better, but not everyone sees it the same as me. So it took no words out of my mouth for Dean to find Sam’s note and recognize his writing. My square edges may be going round, but if a soft spot for those boys is gonna land me in Hell, then I’ll be bringing marshmallows and hot dogs to my funeral pyre.

The water blasts into the sink hard and cold. And I let it run. The white noise is good, drowns out the outside world. I rest my hands on either side of the basin and lean forward until my head’s resting against the mirror. Close my eyes.

Something’s not right in all of this. Never heard of such deep, unbreakable wandering before. Never for more than a night’s sleep, never in pairs. As far as I can tell, the electrical outages and time freezing are Sam telegraphing something fierce. There’s something going down, and it ain’t good.

After I’m done soaking my face, I’m searching for a towel to wipe my hands when I knock over the garbage can. There’s a thud and a clink and a glass rolls across the floor and stops at the doorjamb. And that’s when I smell it, strong, bitter sharp, unmistakable.

“This ain’t like before, Dean.” I march out of the bathroom and shove two motel glasses rimmed with dirty green into his face. “You know what this is?”

Dean sniffs and bats the cup away, saying, “Knew you were in there way too long,” before giving me his smart-ass face.

“It’s valerian powder.” I slam one of the glasses down next to alarm clock blinking 8:13. “It’s a plant sedative, a hypnotic … makes you sleep.”

“I know what a sedative is.” The irritation in Dean’s voice doesn’t cover his alarm.

“Sam’s gone and done something crazy.”

“Sam’s not crazy.”

I don’t know what Sam’s got planned, but Dean’s soul is on the line, and there ain’t nothing short of bringing down the world that Sam wouldn’t do to keep Dean out of Hell. Demons don’t make deals that can’t be undone. They’ll trade up if they can get something better. And Sam knows better than anyone that demons are greedy bastards.

“No? I’ve seen all sorts of crazy crawl out of desperate.”

Dean stands up with his eyes full of fire and jaw twitching.

“He’s gone walking deep this time and pulled that demon in with him to save you,” I yell louder than I mean to.

Then Dean shuts down, pulls a mask over his face. He drops his eyes and reaches down quiet and cold as anything and picks up a syringe.

“If you don’t like it, Bobby, there’s the door.”

What is it with these Winchesters thinking they got to do everything alone? My sigh makes Dean’s eyes dart up.

“Your brother is a lot of things, but stupid ain’t one of them.” I walk to where Dean’s standing and press the other glass into his free hand and say quieter, “He’s put himself down so he won’t wake up for a reason.”

“Then that’s all the more reason he needs this.” He pulls the plastic cap off the needle with his teeth.

“Sam’s gone walking deep and pulled that demon in with him. They’re tangled up in his mind someplace. You can’t just shock him out. There’s no telling what’ll happen, and you don’t know what you’ll be interfering with. Sam’s gone to someplace where you can’t go this time—”

Dean’s head snaps up. I recognize that look.

“No,” I tell him.

But it’s a waste of air ‘cause Dean’s up and in the bathroom with the door shut in my face. I hear him pulling open drawers and sorting through the wrapped soaps in the chipped dish on the counter. By the time I jimmy open the lock, he’s pulling out his arm from up under the sink, a plastic bag tied with red string in his hand.

“It’ll be a hell of a lot safer if you stick around, Bobby. But I’m telling you right now, you’re being here or not isn’t gonna change my mind. I’m doing this.” Dean’s got a death grip on that bag of powdered valerian and is puffing himself up for a fight.

And suddenly I’m more tired than I’ve ever felt. Trying to keep that family together all these years after losing mine, I never thought it would turn to me squaring down Dean, telling him to just let Sam go.

“Sam’s somewhere in there doing something because of me. And whatever it is, I can’t let him do it alone. He’s my responsibility, Bobby. Mine. There’ll be nobody left after my year is up. And I can’t just leave him without—” Dean looks away and pulls his hands through his hair. When he turns around, all I see is a young boy who looks so lost and scared I barely hear his words: “Please. He’s my brother. I need to do this.”

And there’s nothing I got that can do battle with a look like that. More than anyone, I know what it feels like to live life regretting what you didn’t do, wondering what you could’ve done, tricking yourself into thinking you could’ve stopped it all. I glance over my shoulder at the girl lying harmless and quiet and then to Sam. The bruises stand dark on his arms, and his chest rises slow and steady and in time to the tick of the second’s hand on the clock skipping backwards. And below the stillness and silence, I think of them trapped in a nightmare.

“You idiot,” is all I manage. Then I mutter something about getting whiskey from the truck to chase down the bitter of the valerian.

Dean opens his mouth and then closes it. The hard lines on his face go smooth, and his eyes change like something inside’s just opened up. He nods.

“I’ll wait until you come back.”

That’s as much of a reprieve Dean’s capable of. Real words and straightforward communication don’t mix with the name Winchester just like tears are a waste of salt for a Singer.

It’s cold outside. The sky is dark and clear. There are stars everywhere, staring down like a million eyes. Though the closed door I hear Dean drag a chair across the floor to Sam’s side. And it’s almost like Cold Oak all over again with Sam gone and Dean clawing at the edges of the supernatural to change what’s already happened. Only this time my gut tells me there ain’t no deal that can undo what’s been done.

Dreamswalking is something you don’t just go strolling into on a sunny Sunday afternoon for kicks, and blood sharing isn’t to be messed with. Those boys got themselves in a shitstorm of trouble this time. But they’re Winchesters, and their blood runs thick. They’ll put up a good fight. They’ve had enough taken away and now they got nothing but each other, and that’s gotta count for something in the grand scheme of things ‘cause having nobody is no way to go through life.

Through a layer of peeling varnish, I get a good, hard look at the knots in the wood door, sliced through their hearts and cracked along their weaknesses by hot and cold. I run my hand along the frame and catch a splinter. It’s such a little thing, would barely know it was there except for the blood and the sting.

[+]      [O]      [~]

“Nothing is sudden. Not an explosion – planned, timed, wired carefully – not the burst door. Just as the earth invisibly prepared its cataclysms, so history is the gradual instant.”
     -Anne Michaels, “Fugitive Pieces”

Lawrence, Kansas, March 20th, 2008

It’s no mistake my brown glass bottle of valarian powder is empty. It’s no mistake its contents marched out my front door tangled in the red threads of a dream catcher two days ago. And it’s no mistake I instructed it be used today, the equinox, of all days.

The vernal equinox marks the start of spring. New beginnings. Do overs. It’s when day and night, light and dark are divided equally between the hemispheres. On this day the sun rises exactly in the east and sets exactly in the west and everywhere on Earth the sun shines for twelve hours.

That boy needs all the help he can get. Twelve hours of goodness balancing out the twelve hours of dark isn’t much, but at least the stars and planets aren’t aligned against Sam and that demon of his.

The chamomile and lemon balm crumble under my fingers and the kettle starts clattering and whistling before I finish stuffing the tea ball. Drops sizzle and skirt over the chipped enamel and disappear into nothing as steam floats up and rolls across the ceiling, pushing through the sunlight. Never did miss something more than tea and the sound of quiet in the morning, something that’s been hard to come by lately.

Chamomile, Matricaria recutita, is good for settling an upset stomach, helps calm nerves. Sprinkling it corners helps clean away curses and hexes. Melissa officinalis, plain old lemon balm, is good for putting out anxiety and tastes nice. Both are real helpful for insomnia. Near used up all but a handful of both on Sam, slipped them into the teas I kept pressing into his hands. That boy needed sleep even though he’d convinced himself otherwise. Probably hadn’t looked at himself in a mirror for days or else he’d know. I suppose it’s easiest to lie to yourself when you’ve got nobody to tell you to stop talking nonsense. But it’s no matter, what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Didn’t tell him I snuck in pinches of dragons blood to increase potency either.

It’s been four days since Sam first turned up. Feels a lot longer and a lot shorter at the same time. Time bends, speeds up when you don’t want it to and winds down when you’ve got your back turned. But I suppose that’s what happens when things get knocked wrong. Everything gets set akimbo in such unnaturalness, even time.

When I opened my door that night I half jumped out of my slippers and half cracked my face down the middle smiling like a mother hen to do anything much besides drink it all in. Sam stood there with the silent row of houses and the yellow of the streetlights stretched behind him, taller, bigger, hands tucked under his arms, and snow in his hair. Could barely see the boy who was here a couple of years ago underneath all that stubble and long hair, but his smile was familiar. Sure did grow up fine despite everything, that one. I couldn’t help but feel proud for his mother.

“Well, Sam Winchester…” I wrapped my sweater around me and beckoned him, searching the space behind his shoulders. “Where’s that brother of yours?”

Sam seemed to pull in on himself. Then I noticed the dark circles under his eyes, the bruise next to his ear, and the mud and dirt, and my smile disappeared.

“Missouri, we need your help.”

In the backseat of a car parked a block down and across the street was a girl. Her hair was the color of summer corn and smeared with red, and her arm flung over her eyes stuck up like the wing of a broken bird.

“There’s been some trouble. We just need a few days.”

“Good Lord,” I said. “Well, come on, then.”

I stepped aside and Sam ducked into the car. And when he gathered her up, a low-pitched vibration rattled my teeth and buzzed through my ears. A dark energy spilled out onto the sidewalk like a whirlpool, swirling thick and heavy around them like something alive.

Sam must’ve sensed something right then or else I’m not half as good at keeping in my thoughts as I know I am. He stopped. Opened his mouth and shut it. I saw a desperation and shame that wasn’t in his face all those years ago, and I knew he was thinking twice about coming back to Lawrence. He lowered his head and squared his shoulders. And when he looked up it was if a curtain had dropped. Gone were the easy lines and wide-open space in his eyes I remembered, and I knew right then something wasn’t right about Sam without that smart-mouthed brother of his. As that boy stood there bent low against the night with that girl in his arms and the dark chasing its tail around him, I decided I couldn’t turn him out even though something inside me was saying differently.

“Well? I didn’t come out here for a staring contest.” I turned and started marching home, road salt and sand crunching into the snow and my breath stark against the night. It’s not until I motioned over my shoulder and said, “It’ll be mighty hard to sleep standing in the gutter all night,” did I hear footsteps.

By the time Sam got her past my doorstep he looked near ready to collapse, with relief or fatigue or something else, I don’t know. I shuttled the girl straight to the foldout bed in the sewing room behind the kitchen. Her shirt was soaked with blood and her eyes floated in her head, unfocused with large black centers. Her chest rose shallow and quick and her arms looked like they’d been used as a punching bag. There wasn’t enough meat on her to feed a chicken. Once Sam got his jacket off and was bending over her I could see he wasn’t much better off. I don’t know what young people eat these days, but it’s sure not got enough of anything good in it.

There was a deep gash along her belly that shallowed past her ribs. The edges were crusted black but the blood still flowed. Sam explained the knife had been majicked. That she wouldn’t heal. As I pressed around the wound her hands clenched and she ground her teeth but otherwise she lay still and silent. His eyes never left her face. And I knew something terrible had happened between those boys for Sam to be running with this girl.

I got blankets, washcloths, mint and rosemary poultices, warm water. Not sure if there was anything that would work but I needed to put space between me and what was in that room. The energy was bitter and stale, and the girl was wrong. Unnatural. Took all my will power to keep from saying what was on my mind. Could barely look at Sam. Didn’t want him reading me and then running off before I knew what I was dealing with. But I told myself this was Sam—Mary’s youngest son, John’s little boy, Dean’s brother—a boy I sensed long before he came screaming into this world and the one I promised John wouldn’t get lost to those powers of his if I could help it. Still baffles me how John laid the groundwork for the well being of his children, his own blood, with his hands and heart while his feet were busy running away from them. Seems that man trusted everyone else to take care of his sons but himself.

After the girl’s shoulder was set, her wounds were packed, and the blood had slowed, I sat Sam down and opened my ears. In the light of the kitchen I saw the strain around his eyes, watched him push the sweet bread around on his plate and break it into pieces. Couldn’t help but think that at least Dean had enough manners to eat what was put in front of him regardless if his belly was full or not.

“You want to tell me the real story now or later.”

“Don’t you know?”

I clicked my tongue and shook my head. “It’s common courtesy between psychics not to go rooting around in each other’s heads or didn’t you learn any manners.”

“I … uh—” Sam looked down, pulled his shirtsleeves around his wrists, then stared hard and long at his hand fiddling with the frayed edge of his sleeve. He swallowed. “Sorry,” he said finally.

Now I’m not so sure he wasn’t apologizing for everything in advance.

I’ve never been one to beat around the bush, but I know when to dig for answers and when to let them find their way in their own sweet time. The slope of Sam’s shoulders and the exhaustion in his face told me to keep my tongue. I covered his hand with mine, said, “I’m not going anywhere. You’ll tell me later.” Then I sent him off to catch some sleep.

The plates were bobbing in the soap and wet spoons were sliding between my fingers when I caught something at the edge of my thoughts.

“Missouri?”

I turned to find Sam in the door with his back to me, stopped on his way out. Don’t know how long he’d be standing there, still as anything, but his hands were curled around the doorframe so tight he’d squeeze blood from a stone. Without turning around, he said so quiet I’m not sure he spoke the words or not:

“I’m here for Dean.”

And that’s all I needed to know just then.

[O]

It took me all of four hours to figure out just what was going on. The red lines and purple bruises on the inside of Sam’s arms like hers gave it away. Didn’t tug his sleeves down fast enough that fool boy.

I saw them through the space of light between the door and the doorframe later that night. Her arm lay outstretched on the bed, a length of leather tied tight above the elbow. Sam sat next to her, bent over himself. I was about to push my way in thinking he was in a bad spot when he leaned back and rested his head against the wall. His eyes were closed and his breath was shallow. Then I saw the glint of metal and red shaking in his hand, and I knew this was no ordinary trouble. But then, when was anything to do with a Winchester ordinary?

I may be schooled differently than those hunters, but I don’t need books of Latin or an oily gun in my pocket to know a thing or two about the power of blood sharing. It’s old magic, the study of an unnatural nature that few speak about, let alone practice. Blood carries things. And just like antibodies and viruses and anything else that’s floating around ready to be spread, it’s said blood can transfer abilities. Get the right mix with matched bodies and it’ll coax out latent abilities and amplify what’s already there, fortifying the mind and building mental endurance. Get it wrong and, well, lets just say it’s easy to get lost in the dark.

In its purest form, blood sharing is an act of intimacy that requires trust between the giver and the receiver. It’s said to bind souls together, forges a bond even death can’t break. But blood taken or given with anything short of the purest intentions perverts it into an act of exploitation and selfishness, a violation of trust between the unknowing and the deceiver. It breeds a darkness that leads to nothing good. It’s not easy. It’s not safe. And it walks the thinnest line between good and evil.

The next morning I cornered Sam with salted soft-boiled eggs, buttered biscuits, and a glare that would turn a Kansas twister into a baby’s fart.

“I don’t want any of your nonsense. You come knocking down my door in the middle of the night looking for help. And help you’ll get because that what your mother and father would’ve wanted, but that doesn’t mean I’m a blind fool.”

To my satisfaction, Sam went all but cross-eyed staring at my finger wagging in his face.

[O]

Her name was Ruby. On her left breast, over her heart was a tattoo.

“It’s a devil’s trap,” Sam said, buttoning up her shirt. “It keeps demons … in.”

“You’ve trapped a demon inside this poor girl?”

“No. Yes … wait. It’s complicated.” Sam ran his hands through his hair. “Missouri, you’ve got to help us. Help Dean. I can save him.” Sam’s eyes are bright, and it’s like I can see the future stretched out, all wide-open space and nothing but a sky full of hope. And that’s when he tells me about his new abilities, about how Dean’s time is short. Sam explains he can make things happen in his dreams and how Ruby can help him save his brother’s life.

I motioned toward the devil’s trap. “And that’s real necessary being she’s so willing to help you.”

“Whatever it takes.”

I’ve seen that stubborn jut of a chin before, heard that same inflection, felt the same unmovable wall of energy close down the room. Sam, he’s more like his father than he knows. Like John, he’s built for endurance and smolders deep and quiet, but push him the wrong way and you’ll see the flames burning at the edges. John tempered his impulsiveness with layers of parental instinct and learned patience, but Sam’s got none of that. He’s young and impatient, and his determination burns hot and quick. Believe you me, when push comes to shove, he’ll flare like a match, destroying himself and everything around him as long as it doesn’t include that brother of his.

And that’s the last thing I want to happen for Mary and John’s sake. Everyone is somebody’s child, even when they’re grown, too smart for their own good, and too stupid to be afraid of the consequences of their bull-headed actions. Years ago I made a promise to help keep Sam safe, and anyone who has spent half a minute with those boys knows the surest way to do that is by making sure Dean is at his side. Because as sure as my mama was a Baptist, when the end comes, Dean will be the only one who can save Sam from himself.

“I see,” I said, patting Sam’s knee and standing up. “I could do with something to drink. I think you could, too.”

“Wait, Missouri, you don’t understand. I need—”

“Oh, I understand more than you know. Now lets get you some tea.” I begin running through the catalogue of dusty bottles with mismatched labels in my head and praying that whatever trouble Dean’s got himself into can be undone by Sam and his demon. “There’s nothing a strong cup of the right tea can’t fix.”

[O]

Sam needed something to keep him and Ruby sleeping for a good long while.

“A day or two. Long enough to find Ruby and then … finish the job.”

I dunked the tea ball into the mug and gave him a look over my shoulder, but Sam was too busy examining the brown glass bottle of valarian to notice.

I knew what Sam was talking about, people getting lost in their own dreamscapes, wandering off somewhere and never waking up. Walking into the dark corners of your own head is dangerous enough let alone leaving your body on the off chance you’ll find another dreamwalker. But that’s not half of what’s bothering me. Dreams are mighty powerful, nothing to take lightly. Spirits commune through dreams because the mind opens when the thinking part goes to sleep. It’s when the conscious mind isn’t there to keep everything in check when things can go wrong. The lizard brain is full of all sorts of suppressed things: fears, impulses, compulsions, needs, instinct. The fact we’re able to keep all that messiness under control is what separates us from the rest of the Lord’s creatures. But with the impulse center running loose, all of that comes pouring out. Emotion rules the head. And when we’re reduced to raw reaction without the benefit of rational thought, the unthinkable can happen. Because of that, Sam needed plenty of practice in a safe place with someone watching over him so his dreams don’t go breaking him apart. Can’t say I wasn’t worried about what was coming.

I stirred the tea and watched the bits of chamomile and lemon balm leaves swirl in the whirlpool.

“Demons are linked. We’ll find the one who holds Dean’s contract.” Sam had that look in his eye. The one that meant he wouldn’t be listening to any words that don’t go with his way of thinking.

“And then?”

“Then what?”

“So you’re going to stroll into some demon’s head, flash those dimples, and expect they’ll give you a special deal?” I tapped the spoon hard against the mug and drops of tea splattered across the counter.

“More like barge in.” Sam rubbed his forearm and gave me a half grin. “And, yeah, something like that.”

Those Winchesters always were a closed-lipped, stubborn bunch. Seemed they also like playing fast and furious with stupidity. They might be half insane. I wanted to smack that boy upside the head, but settled on shoving the mug into his hands.

“Drink your tea.” I crossed my arms. “Then I’m going to tell you what’s what with these dreams and then you’re going to lie down and get some sleep.”

I was none too happy, but there’s nothing much to do when backed into a corner than to take the best of the worst ways out, even if that meant taking the hand of the devil himself.

[O]

After two days of me shoving food and tea at him and two nights spent habituating to the valarian, I could tell Sam was ready to leave. His restless energy was stuck in a house that was too small, and there was a strange tightness in the air. If it weren’t for that injured demon of his, he’d probably have up and disappeared by now.

Ruby kept her space, looked at me from the corners of her eyes, and didn’t say much. I reckoned she was spooked by psychics and didn’t trust what she didn’t understand or couldn’t control. By the way she never touched the teas or food, she probably thought I was apt to slip her something good and strong and holy. Couldn’t say that thought hadn’t crossed my mind.

That second night I heard them talking in low tones and angry whispers as long shadows moved past their door.

“Two months. Dean’s got less than two months.”

“I’m not gonna half ass this, Sam. You have no idea what you’re up against.”

“Then just tell me who holds the contract and we can skip this psychic dreamwalking blood-swapping crap game of follow the leader.”

“I told you, it doesn’t work that way.”

“Fine. Then we do it my way.”

“Fine. Next month when you’re ready—”

“No.”

“Sam—”

“The equinox. It’s our best chance and you know it. We’ve got two days or that’s it, Ruby. I mean it this time.”

Eight hours later, yesterday morning, Sam left with what remained of my valerian powder tucked in his shirt pocket. All I wanted to do is give that boy a hug like his mother would’ve done, but he’s grown and he’s not my boy. I couldn’t help but think he would rather not have some old lady coddle and fuss over him like his own blood.

“You bring Dean and that appetite of his around just as soon as you get this straightened out.” I looked past Sam at Ruby standing on the sidewalk with her hands on her hips and wearing a look that would sour a pickle. “But leave the trouble at the door next time. Don’t want anything messing up my carpet.”

Sam leaned down and gave me a hug. “Thanks for everything, Missouri.”

“You take care of yourself, Sam, you hear.” I took his hand and gave it a real hard squeeze and whispered, “You remember who you are during all the walking of yours.”

Not too long after they left, the snow started falling again. Angel’s tears was what Mama used to call it. I always thought something mighty sad had to happen to make heaven cry, but as I watched the two sets of footprints leading off the porch and down the sidewalk disappear under all that newness like the last days never happened, I realized there are plenty of reasons tears fall, not all of them as simple as just being sad.

I tried calling Dean, but that boy has gone and changed his number. But sure as the spring after winter, Dean will find Sam with or without my help. Just in case, though, I’m keeping my ears open for that rumbling black car of his. In the meantime, there’s nothing left to do but hope and pray that the Lord will take care of what’s his.

So here I sit in the quiet of the kitchen with my chamomile and honey tea, watching the snow bury the early season daffodils and crocuses, and wondering what evil started out as. I think it might’ve look a lot like love.

[+]      [O]      [~]

TBC

SPN 4x22

2009-05-15T05:53:12Z

8:30 pm =

8:45 pm =

THEN =

priest!Azazel!!! =

Bobby! \o/ =

Sam without Dean and Dean without Sam =

NO STEALING BABIES FOR DINNER!!!!!!!!!!! D: :O DX

*wibble*

A-Rod and Madonna! *snortlaugh*

Zack angel =

WTF, angels pro-Apocalypse!?

...

Go Castiel!!!!!!!!! GO GO GO GO!!! Dean fly like the wind!

Chuck!

fake voice mail messages =

OMG, Sam! NOOOOO!

Ruby =

DEAN!

SAM!

*fade to white*....

HIATUS =

;lkajsdf;lkjasdfEEEEE;ljas;dljk;lasdjl;kjadsfOMGBOYS;ljkasfl;kjasdlk;HIATUSNOOOOjadsl;jfdajlkdsfajlksdfkeysmash x a blllionmillion ;ajjklsadlkjsdljkf.

Need a fix to get you to Thursday?

2009-05-06T05:59:24Z

Flist, do you have your ~~daily~~ ~~weekly~~ monthly dose of angst yet? If not, check out this vid by absrip. The still art that's used in it is gorgeous and should get a nod just on its own. But animated, set to music, and paired with clips from the show, it's something to see. I love the coloring, the sepia tones give the entire vid a sort of ethereal, otherworldly feel, and the close-ups featured in most of the clip selections gives it an intensity and a weird feeling of intimacy that would've been lost otherwise (also, there's that underused overhead umbrella shot from "Scarecrow" compliments of Kim Manners \o/). The editing is well done and compliments the music; the last 40 seconds are my favorite. FYI, this is a Wincest vid (one of the best I've seen). There are manips and some explicit external-source material. Leave comments for the vidder here.

Flappy Gum Syndrome and Diarrhea of the Fingers

2009-05-03T16:53:40Z

A meta by karenmiller got me thinking about Dean and Sam and the overturning of their belief systems since S2 ("HotH") and how that would affect their actions at the end of S4. I started typing my response only to find I wrote way too much to politely post as a comment (oops), so I'm posting my thoughts here because nobody cares if I pollute my own journal. :D

There are spoilers in karenmiller's post and what is discussed below is based on the 4x21/4x22 preview.

Nice post. It got me thinking about why Dean would subordinate himself to an angel, ultimately to God/Heaven when he has always been the one staunchly maintaining his stance in the "I don't believe" corner (because, to me, to lay yourself at the service of God implies that you probably are invested enough him Him/Her/It/Whatever that you likely believe or have Faith). I think perhaps this the byproduct of Dean's version of a failed belief system, a reverting to the default option because his previous belief in himself, his family, his ability to choose/dictate/make decisions/keep people he loves safe has failed. After "HotH" I always thought Dean worshiped at the alter of The Family Winchester, elevating John and Mary to near saint status. But over the course of 2 seasons the reality of who John was (human) and the slow erosion of Dean's effectualness (is that a word? *crosses eyes*) in the face of angels and their "destiny" talk, has slowly stripped Dean of his own brand of faith. Now what's he left with? What options does he have? I think the only one standing--Castiel and God. And without confidence in his ability to save Sam, something he's sworn to do since the pilot and a vow he renewed in S2, he's grasping desperately at any remaining straws even if that means ultimately sacrificing himself in the processes. Because, I think, for Dean it's STILL about "saving people" even if those people don't want to be saved in the way he wants to save them. And at his deepest core somewhere he still wants to believe in The Family Winchester and Sam because he needs hope.

On the other hand, I think Sam has undergone a similar overturning in his belief system only in the opposite direction. In "HotH" it was revealed that Sam was a believer, that he prayed every day. And just as Dean idealizing (even idolized) his family into what I think was the core Dean's "Faith" in that tangible and things that were within the realm of his experience, Sam found his Faith in God, something outside his family (no surprise there as he essentially rejected his family), the intangible, and things that were largely outside the human experience. I'm not certain if Sam ever prescribed to the idea of a divine destiny or a "God will lead the way" mentality, but regardless if he did or not, I think his experiences since S2 have collectively undermined his Faith in the goodness of God. This isn't to say he doesn't believe in God (because it seems with the presence of angels that God would seem to be more and more of a likelihood) but it's what he believes about God that has changed. God is no longer this benevolent force, granting the prayers and rewarding those that believe because, in Sam's mind, how could God do those things if He/She/It/Whatever let Dean, a good person who saves lives and who sacrificed himself, go to Hell? In Sam's mind, how could God let demons/Lilith overrun the world and his own angels run amok? In Sam's mind, how could God abandon him? Sam prayed to be saved and look where he is now. So, like Dean, I think Sam's Faith has undergone it's own metamorphosis. His Faith perhaps isn't with God, but has been replaced with a more pragmatic approach, one that doesn't rest with a higher power and waiting for something to happen or not happen but with what he can see and do and take action on now: "do whatever it takes to get it done because nobody else is gonna do it" (i.e. kill Lilith). I think Sam's lost his belief that he can be saved by a higher power, by anyone, by Dean. His Faith has been replaced with a last ditch desperate grab for something good to come out of "his curse" because I think he believes that he might be able to save himself if his actions save lives. And deep down I think Sam still hopes for salvation even if he no longer believes anyone can save him.

So, I think, ultimately both Sam and Dean have the same goal (save lives, save Sam, stop Lucifer from rising), but their approaches are at odds. Both have exhausted all other means, both are desperate, both just want to save each other. And we all know what happens when that Winchester self-sacrificing gene comes into play... O.O

4x20: The show that wasn't The Show

2009-05-01T06:25:06Z

Was that just a weird plot loop for the sake of a plot loop or was the Castiel-Jimmy plot just 40 minutes of screen filler because Kripke and Co. didn't want Sam sucking demon blood and walking around looking like he'd gorged himself at a carne cruda buffet for the entire episode?

I don't know, guys. Having an ENTIRE episode where Castiel disappears, get a God spanking, and ends up back in his vessel with a change of heart just seemed really weird at the point in the season. That whole plot point could've been dealt with as a subplot and taken maybe 5 minutes of screen time: Cas is MIA and the boys need him, Sam and Dean give this thought and furrow their brows while furthering the main plot and somehow getting themselves out of a demon pickle without the help of their resident angel, then Cas shows up at the end and we have our reveal. Ta da. *jazz hands* But instead we were treated to an eyeful of Castiel (which is fine) and a dead end backstory and family and bit and pieces of what I consider to be a much more interesting and compelling story (Sam and Dean's) shoved into the corners. I'm confused as to why Kripke and Carver assumed we'd care about how and why Castiel came to be in his vessel in lieu of Sam and Dean's current story, especially when the brother's situation had so much potential for some juicy storytelling and some serious characterization. OK, maybe the whole "it's in your blood" thing is going to be an angelic counterpoint to demon blood sharing and power transferral as well as catapult us into a Castiel-centric subplot for S5, but, IMHO, this is not the time to spend an entire episode on Castiel's vessel. This is the end of the season! We should be ramping up for the finale where questions need to be answered and plots tied up. The momentum should be building, not stagnating.

So Sam is just an addict. And it seems from "TMatEotB" that he's doing "it" because he wants revenge. I get that; it makes sense. Rash, vengeful Sam isn't something new. We saw snippets/hints of this way back in "Salvation" when Dean had to physically restrain Sam, keeping him from running back into Rosie's nursery to confront the YED. So more than anything, what we're seeing now (the reversal) is an amplification of formerly repressed parts of Sam's personality that's crowding out other facets of himself he no longer has the luxury to afford (S1-bleeding-heart Sam), a internal characterization "flip" so to speak. But isn't there more? I'm having a hard time believing that Sam, who has been a walking complex contradiction since day one, would have ONLY ONE reason to kill LIlith and resort to such desperate and extreme measures as drinking demon blood. What happened to the Sam in "CAiaD" who seemed to want a happy ending for him and Dean, for them to have a chance to grow old with the war over and Lilith gone? What happened to S2 Sam and "I'm gonna save you, Dean" (has it been discussed if Dean's soul would go back to Hell if/when he dies for good?). I understand that since "MM" (S3) Sam has decided that he needs to "become Dean" but I'm finding it hard to believe that Sam could just wholesale adopt this black and white/good and evil view and simultaneously reject 20-odd years of his own thinking. Questioning things, seeing the intricacies of the situation, empathizing, challenging the staus quo, pushing against seemingly iron clad rule of the establishment, that's WHO SAM IS. That's what always distinguished him from John and Dean. So now having this Sam who gives ultimatiums and seems to have lost his ability to see the grey alternatives has me scratching my head. It's not that I think his character can't or shouldn't change or that he shouldn't become more like Dean, it's just the extent of his character reversal seems unnecessarily extreme. Can't we get a tempered version of new and old Sam? :(

And I probably should just stop this post here, but since my wheels of confusion are already in motion...

I can't remember the last time I actually cringed (in a bad way) and covered my eyes during SPN. I've been cheerleading for brother vs. brother and darkish!Sam since S2, and I don't have a problem with the demon blood sharing or scenes of Sam sucking on Ruby's arm, but Sam and his bloody face was just too much for me. I could only think "vampire" and then "Sam's the monster that Gordon was so hell bent on killing". It just felt ... not right to me for reasons I can't express. But maybe the whole point behind being so graphic was to make the audience feel uncomfortable? I don't know. It's a fine line between showing character evolution and accidentally committing character assassination.

Perhaps all of this really stems from the fact I really want to know what's going on in Sam's head once and for all. And this entire episode devoted to a minor character and his seemingly inconsequential backstory (minus the "it's in your blood thing") slightly frustrates me when we could've been getting stories that would've allow us to see what's going on with Sam and his addiction. Then maybe we (I) would better understand why he's saying and doing what he's saying and doing so we're (I'm) not left wearing my bhuz face.

Huh. So it seems like I only write episode reaction posts that are disapproving now. Just to set the record straight I've been loving the last episodes. I thought "Head of a Pin", "The Monster at the End...", and "Jump the Shark" were terrific. I hope the last episodes of the season echo those instead of whatever it was I watched tonight.

Meat + Procrastination = SPN Vid Recs (bhuz? Shhh, fuzzy logic)

2009-04-13T04:48:37Z

After months of laying low and lurking on the edges of fandom, I suddenly looked up and realized I've been hiding away for half of the season and we only have four episodes left until the uber-summer hiatus! And now I'm starting to feel like I'm missing out on all the interesting episode discussions/recaps, meta, vids and ... everything. :(

The workload is still the same, but I'm realizing that I don't have to do 110% all the time, esp. if it does nothing but stress me out and takes up the little "fun" time I have. So here's to lowering my personal standards. *raises glass* We'll see how it goes starting this week with photocopying intro. pages from a lab book for pre-readings like everyone else instead of completely rewriting my own. Also, tonight I could finally stomach the sight of meat and was feeling good enough to actually cook an entire dinner. And even better I ate a little bit of red meat for the first time in months and *looks at watch* so far so good. \o/ It was SOOOOOOO SOOOOOOOO YUMMY. Sorry to you vegetarians out there, but meat is delicous, fat and protein and gravy and mmmmm. *wants more*

So as I was properly fed and feeling ambitious (and procrastinating), I cleaned out my hard drive tonight and stumbled across never finished fic, half baked meta, and cinematography stuff, and now I'd rather work on that than my real work. I think my brain is starting to decompartmentalize itself as it realizes the freak out my body has been having for the past 4 months is not going away any time soon. But more importantly, I found amazing insta-rec vids that I didn't share previously when I was in hiding. So in lieu of anything of my own complete enough to contribute to fannish glee, I'll pass along these recs instead.

This vid, Somebody's Child, by sabaceanbabe is well done and one of the most unique vids I've seen. The use of a secondary screen along the sidebar allows for multiple interpretations of the lyrics and lends to its alternating (or omnicient if you look at it another way) POV. Dividing attention between a large and a smaller screen has an interesting effect, and you'll probably have to watch this vid more than once just to see exactly what's going on. Also, because of the size of the small screen, to get the intended effect either download the vid and watch it in its original size or maximize it to full screen. The song catchy, achy, and fitting for a future look back on the "Winchester gospel" (*chuckles* that still cracks me up) and the sequences during each play of chorus are beautifully chosen and will probably make you choke up (but maybe I'm just an over-emotional sap right now). Go watch, you won't be sorry.

This vid, Kinetic, by maichan808 is gorgeous and flows from clip to clip almost seamlessly. It's seem to be more of study of camera movement and impressions than a narrative-based vid. I really like the severe desaturatization and blurriness; I think it fits nicely with the music. If you want to see some of the most striking pans and crane shots of the entire series (with the exception of the awesome overhead umbrella shot in "Scarecrow" ... more vidders should use that in my very biased opinion) take a look at this vid.

Randomosity: Fried-Rice Stuffed Pickles and Other Silliness

2009-03-30T03:54:45Z

So I’m no longer a SPN Con virgin and A and I got in without our tickets! :D I’m not sure if my approach or perceptions of these things are typical or not so I’m not sure if anyone’s interested in my update of the boys’ panels, but here goes for whatever it’s worth.

To be honest I didn’t know what to expect. I had images of packed halls and LONG lines and fans hurtling themselves off stairwells to tacklejump JA (sorry, that horrific incident must’ve seared itself into my brain). But it wasn’t like that. It venue was relatively calm with people milling about talking, laughing, tweeting, punching text messages into their phones at the speed of light. We sat next to lots of pleasant, very conversational people who were polite enough to make sure if they held their camera up to take a picture of the stage they weren’t blocking anyone’s view.   For the most part people remained seated and didn’t act weird or inappropriately, and it was terrific to be around other people who were truly excited to be there and really enjoyed fandom and the Show.

The entire ballroom was packed. We estimate there had to be ~1000 people there as the rows were ~30-40 seats across and then went the entire alphabet back (26 rows) and then repeated with AA, BB, CC etc. The boys’ panels started about an hour late. Jensen came out first despite the fact that Jared was supposed to lead with his solo panel (likely because Jared’s photo ops were last and thus just finishing), and everyone screamed. I pretty much jumped in my seat and then told A to start taking pictures (heh, so bossy!).   It was weird to see Jensen in real life. I kept thinking (strangely), “He really does look like that!” O.O LOL! I think that must’ve been fangirl squee overload.

Jensen seemed relaxed. I can’t remember many specific questions/answers (doh, brain!) and the ones I recall mostly are related to production things. Also, I'm working from memory here so don't dog pile me if I'm not quoting things verbatium. :) It was apparently Jensen’s idea (which he was very proud of) to whack that kid in the stomach with the dodge ball in “After School Special”.   HEH!   The gas station scene in “LR” where the windows blow out was all done with REAL GLASS (note the long, crane shot) because Kim Manners wanted “realism” because candy glass doesn’t shatter like tempered glass (personally, I just think Kim was hard core like that *grin*). Jensen’s body double did most of the work and walked out of the gas station bloody all over. D: Jensen had to shoot a close up of Dean falling, which was also done on the shards of glass, and he now has some nice scars on his forearms. Apparently he got up and was all “Ahhh blood, LOOK what you’re doing to me, Kim,” and Kim just told him to go clean up and get ready for the next shot. XD Jensen also mentioned the only time he wore the miner’s outfit in “MBV” was at the very end of the movie, and his body double, who studied his walk and mannerisms, was the one swinging the axe. Apparently he was shorter than Jensen and had to wear lifts the entire movie; all I could think was “That guy did all those action scenes in essentially heels?” and “Heh, body double guy must also have bow legs.”

Someone asked Jensen a question he was reluctant to answer or didn’t know how to answer and then a voice boomed something about “saving him” and then on walked this giant Padalecki and everyone screamed (again). And again I told A to start taking pictures (bossy!!!). Oh my, you guys. Gah. He really does LOOK LIKE THAT! I don’t know but I must have a thing for dark-haired, tall men because I think my stomach flipped over and fell into my feet. I’ve read other con reports about people getting blindsided by the smile and the belly laugh and now I have an idea what they’re talking about (and I was half a ballroom away!).

Again, I don’t remember a lot of the specific questions, but there were some laugh worthy moments. There was a woman with an infant who was making baby noises and Jared stopped and said, “Is that a cat?” Everyone yelled, “Baby!” and he got this huge O.O grin face and wanted to see the baby and asked how old it was (answer: 9 months old) to which he then asked, “When was it born?” Everyone yelled “Duh, 9 months ago,” and he got this goofy embarrassed look and then went on a mini baby tangent about his niece and her birthday being in June, too. From that point on he would randomly yell “BABY!” during the rest of the panel. When the mother had to leave because baby was getting fussy he stopped and yelled, “Come back! Seize her!” A woman also mentioned her cat was a “Sam fan” which had Jared doing a fist pump (I think), or maybe he did that when a guy told him that his 3-year old sister loved the show and called it not “Supernatural” but “Padalecki”. LOL Someone asked about Jared painting left-handed for the “Christmas Cottage” and he said he’s basically a gimp and practiced writing script notes and such for months before shooting. There was a left-handed artist constantly on set who kept telling him he was holding things wrong. Aww.

The boys’ panel was a lot of fun. It was nice to see their dynamic in real life rather than on YouTube, and I have to say it’s so genuine and refreshing. I now more fully understand the reasons behind the plethora of RPS fic. The most random question was from a guy who asked Jared if he’d ever had a fried-rice stuffed pickle. That had Jensen with his head down laughing for a good 3 minutes while Jared sat there and goofed off about fried rice with pickles.   I thought the guy would elaborate on his question but he just smiled and walked away from the mic.   XD HEH! Tell me, is there some hidden innuendo with fried-rice stuffed pickles? Bhuz?

There was a point where Jensen raised and lower his hands and the crowd would clap and cheer and then go quiet. Jared was totally enthralled by that and, of course, also had to do it and then proceeded to jump around and get giddy about it the whole thing. :)

Someone asked both of them what reality TV show they’d put the other one on. She gave a list of shows (The Bachelor, Dancing with the Stars, The Hills, etc). Jared picked “The Hills” for Jensen, and Jensen made up his own show and gleefully yelled, “The Bachelorette!” for Jared. Jared replied, “Yeah, but I’d just be one of the guys.” Jensen said, “No, you’d be the bachelorette,” to which Jared eventually hammed it up and did a head toss/hair flip and the boys traded quips about Jared’s hair. Someone yelled something to the effect, “WE LOVE JARED’S HAIR!” and that just fanned the flames and I think things ended up with Jensen shaking his head and Jared preening. *snortlaugh*

There was a question asked to each of the boys about the other that went something like, “If we didn’t know Jensen or Jared, what story would you tell us about them that would give us an idea who they were?” Jensen’s answer started out very sweet. He said that he knows Jared so well, that he’s knows when he’s happy/sad, he knows what he loves (family, friends, dogs), he know what he’s like when he’s fighting with his girlfriend (which had me going “Uh. Ohhh.”). Then I think he stopped and caught himself. He finally settled on a prank story, rather a prank tutelage; he said he couldn’t believe Jared had gone through 20-odd years of life without anyone showing him the “pull the finger” trick until they’d met. So now apparently, Jared constantly turns to Jensen whatever they’re doing (including when they’re blocking scenes in the Impala) and tells him to pull his finger. XD When Jared was asked that question he first said that Jensen’s story was probably about him farting. Those two know each other so well, sometimes it’s a wonder they don’t have interchangeable brains. *snort* Anyway, Jared’s answer was a recount of that story of them getting jumped with one of Jared’s friends after bar hours early S1 and Jensen getting away and then coming back to save Jared from getting pummeled (yes, protect that pretty face).

Someone in a replica of the suicidal teddy bear (complete with blown out head) walked in and proceeded to wander over to one of the question lines. That caused some fannish glee and got some impressed looks from the boys.   The women next to us told us that person won the costume contest earlier that weekend. Awesome!

Erm. What else? For any of you who are wondering about future projects for the boys, this summer they’re both taking time off. Both of them said separately (and together) that this season was exhausting and they need some down time. Jensen is going to England and Australia for Cons and is planning on traveling while there so for all of you Brits and Aussies keep you eyes peeled! \o/

The slideshow on the wall behind each of the mics where people asked questions created some interesting distractions. During Jensen’s panel a huge picture of Dean wearing his “After School Special” gym-teacher sweatband popped up and Jensen stopped and did a double take. At one point a close up of the vampire from “Monster Movie” flashed and he jumped and pretended to freak out. There was a question during the double panel from a New Zealander (I think) and Jared completely zoned out (which was strange being that usually he’s pretty quick). At first I thought perhaps he had trouble understanding her question because of her accent but then some people around me sort of gasped and I noticed a production still of Sandy as the RED was projected right behind the women. Oo. My embarrassment squick got me and all I could think of was “someone take that down!” But all in all that was pretty minor and I didn’t think there were any truly uncomfortable moments.

The panel concluded with the boys (as always) signing the banners of themselves. Jensen, trying to one up Jared by signing his name higher, got a chair and stood on it and Jared stuck his foot out and pretended he was going to knock it over. And at that point I couldn’t see anymore because people were standing and taking pictures (of the boys behinds).

A and I decided to bail at that point (I know bad fans). It was 4 hours until Misha’s panel and I was starving but couldn’t eat any of the food on the menu at the restaurant upstairs because of the “no-meat”/”no mixed foods” situation. :( I figure there’s always Vancouver Con and YouTube in the meantime.

If you made it to the end of this congrats! Sorry if there are typos, I’m too tired to proof this properly and for some reason my edit/LJ tag icons have all disappeared being that my journal layout is an import from insanejournal and those mini icons have to be manually reinserted into the code. This has happened before when LJ has changed “stuff”, but I now have no recollection of how to fix the code. Anyone know how to do this? Please and thank you? *bats eyelashes*

Take care, flist!

Happy SPN Day!

2009-03-12T21:29:25Z

In celebration of today, here's a deleted scene from 4x10 featuring our angel of Thursday and his loose-canon side kick arguing about orders from above and Sam and Ruby. Interesting stuff swirling around in those feathery heads...

On a personal note, things are busy but I'm feeling better. :) Hopefully I'll be able to romp around LJ land more in the upcoming weeks and catch up with everyone. In the meantime have a terrific week everyone. *hugs*

And thank you to everyone who sent me birthday wishes in one form or another. It's always nice to get an inbox full of well wishes. It was a wonderful day, full of some pretty amazing things.

HOLY FUDGE ON A STICK (SPN spoilers 4x15)

2009-02-21T01:18:01Z

Watch the promo! From blackjedii.

I'm crawling out of my hide-away hole and breaking radio silence to say, "WHAT?! SHOW! OMG!"

WHAT?!

WHAT?!

WHAT?!

1. Castiel and Anna and disobediance? Angels on the run? Bhuz? But ... *glee* ... Castiel bitchslaps Uriel into a brick wall! :D I wonder if Castiel is finally starting to doubt God's methods because they sure are ... uh ... questionable (see #2).

2. Dean = blunt instrument of torture?! Is Dean using a filled pastry bag to torture that demon guy (EAT CAKE EAT CAKE EAT CAKE)? Aw, Dean, only you would think to torture someone with your favorite thing ... FOOD. Look what Hell did to him, I bet he got his own version of Hell's pastry chef's hat while down under. ;)

2a. Could Dean somehow not be himself? Why would Dean sadistically ~~force feed~~ torture a demon AND the host body the demon was possessing? After all his remorse/guilt/angst/massive manpain over the terrible things he did in Hell, why would he voluntarily start doing it topside? A catharsis? Show, what are you doing? I am confuzzled.

2b. They way that tortured demon talks (that weird lispy drawl Alastair magically develped in "Heaven and Hell") makes me think he might be Alastair. And wouldn't that just take the cake with Dean being the torturer. Also, I think Dean is using Ruby's knife which the whereabouts of have been in limbo since Alastair went all Hannibal Lecter on Ruby in "Heaven and Hell". Fitting that Alastair shows up again with the knife and Heaven uses its twisted brand of poetic justice to stick it to him (oh, the terrible puns...), which might explain Dean's motivations. I favor this reasoning over sadisticpastrychef!Dean.

3. Sam + kissy faces + Ruby = clutchy hand of ~~doom~~ power? You guys, they're totally sharing demon blood ... like erotic vampire sucky sucky or something. I'd rather have them trading blood and then just having sex for fun ... uh ... because drinking someone else's bodily fluids is so *quoty fingers* "erotic" (remember Kripke's cryptic comment at last summer's ComiCon about Sam and "his love interest" sharing bodily fluids?) rather then the demon sex be the "mysterious source of power". Somehow making sex be the ace in the hole seems too obvious and cheap for me. Demon blood would have more continuity being that's apparently how Sam got his powers in the first place. And did Sam say what I think he said? "I need it." Why am I thinking desperate druggie and supplier here?

4. And I think that shot of Dean in the hospital is new and not recycled like a lot of other clips in this promo were. OMG. DEAN. Why/how does he end up in the hospital looking like he got stepped on EVERY TIME A REAPER SHOWS UP!??!?! *eee Tessa!reaper* You guys don't think that Sam has got some other hand power that he's going to use against bluntinstrument!Dean, do you? O_o Or maybe he's going to fry Alastair, a WED? Watch out Lilith. *flashes hand of doom*

As you can see by my spazzing over 40 seconds of a promo *headdesk* I'm obviously in a Show Squee Deficit that's almost as big as the US economy's. March 12! :D
</lj>

Public (Personal) Service Announcement

2009-02-16T00:15:24Z

Hello flist,

Just a quick post to say everything is fine, but I'm bowing out of daily LJ stuff for a while. I'll be visiting occasionally, lurking, posting the presents from that last friends meme, and hopefully doing some drive-by commenting. :) My response to convo threads will likely be tardy and far and few in between, but please know I still care and want to keep up with everyone when I can. Even though I may not comment, I'll still be visiting/reading. *hugs to everyone*

Also, I want to thank fannishliss for her beautifully written fic, "Why Sam Winchester Hates Death Cab for Cutie". It's lovely and achy and full of that addictive Winchester codependent dysfunction. Mmm, love/angst, my favorite Winchester flavor. Thanks again, sweets. I love it.

"Sam knows the language. That’s kind of the problem. He’d learned the language at the knee of the boy who’d invented it. A language consisting entirely of longing, loyalty, love, and the deepest need, the most wholehearted self-sacrifice Sam could ever imagine."

Can a lack of wank be a detriment?

2009-01-31T09:03:40Z

OK, I'll bite. Can someone please explain what's up with all these references to JP and "Gen" and "Jen"? Is this yet another product of some wanktastic wankitude or something else entirely? Normally I have a clue, but this just sailed straight over my head and is orbiting some alien gas giant past the Oort Cloud. Am I going to regret asking about this?

And why is there not an option for "STUPID" in my mood theme? Is that not a relevant emotion/state of being for life? Hello? Doesn't everyone walk around feeling stupid about 75% of the time or is that just me? Wait, maybe don't answer that.

Musings on 4x11 with a footnote of silly

2009-01-18T19:29:58Z

While I didn’t hate “Family Remains” (4x11), it definitely left me wearing my HUH face and with an unsatisfied feeling. It was a disturbing MotW episode, with solid acting and a lots of hide-behind-the-pillow moments. I liked seeing the boys post-hunt and sleeping in the car. I liked the subtle Sam and Dean snarkiness (“Know it all”). I thought the plot, although very “Flowers in the Attic” V.C. Andrew-like, was okay. The exception was unveiling of the older brother, which Carver tried to foreshadow by planting this image (aren’t they both wearing dresses?):

Fair enough. But I thought it would’ve been creepier if the siblings had been identical twins. Not only would a single pregnancy have been the easiest way to explain the back story instead of multiple incestuous babies (that brother looked and sounded years older than the sister), it would’ve explained why the “ghost” appeared to move so quickly from inside to outside the house. Plus, showing the “ghost” in multiple places inside the house almost instantaneously would’ve been a more effective way to foreshadow the plot twist. It certainly would’ve been felt more earned having two girls crawling out of the woodwork instead of a never-seen-before brother launching out of the shadows.

But my main gripe isn’t with the nit-picky details of the surface plot or what Sam and/or Dean did or didn’t say. My issues are rooted in things that stretch beyond the merits and failings of single MotW episode broken by a team, written by one staff writer and their assistants, and overseen by Kripke. “Family Remains” is symptomatic of things I’ve been scratching my head about for a while, things like the overall story pacing and story telling efficiency, in what—over the last two seasons—seems to have become the formulaic “MotW” episode, and the writers smashing together of “MotW” episodes with loosely related characterization and mytharc reveals with their hammers. And these things combined have me wondering about execution of the rest of the season and what we’ll be left with after 4x22 fades to black.

I think “Family Remains” could’ve been great stand-alone episode. And by stand alone, I literally mean stand-alone: void of any mytharc, free of consequential emotional revelations, and without any attempts to hammer in a misplaced and awkward final scene … an awesome stand-alone on par with “Nightshifter”. But the final few minutes unbalanced this episode for me. The repetition of Dean pouring his heart out to Sam next to the Impala had the same effect as those ponderous early S3 Sam-and-Dean-fight-while-driving-in-the-Impala-at-night-and-then-divulge-into-case-file-exposition scenes. The same set up, the same conversation, the same old same old that, to me, is symptomatic of a lack of creativity or lazy writing.

While I don’t have a problem with Dean sharing and caring and furthering his emotional journey, I’m equally annoyed that such an important scene was so sloppily tacked on like an afterthought. It would’ve been more resonant at the end of “Heaven and Hell”, or the final scene of “Heaven and Hell” should’ve been reserved for this episode. Either way, the two scenes should’ve been joined because they’re the same conversation: Dean revealing to Sam what happened in Hell and his admission of guilt and shame at what he did under the duress of torture.

Dragging out the conversation over multiple episodes diluted it, reduced its impact. Kripke needs to stop holding back and teasing. He needs to hit the plot points square on and move the story forward so the plethora of the other less-developed plot points can be explored. We have a lot of meaty, compelling material to delve into. Angels, Lilith, Lucifer, Ruby, God, seals, Sam’s powers, demons, it’s all there and begging for page time. Why take the effort to open up the mytharc this last season to only pull it back and hide it behind the curtain? It makes me feel like either we’re being toyed with or else Kripke and Co. really don’t know what they’re writing beyond the next episode, and what we’re getting is them stumbling in the dark with a match instead of leading us with a blazing spotlight.

I’m not suggesting Dean’s emotional story or the number of MotW episodes should be culled. In fact, I’m arguing the opposite. I’m saying if more attention was paid to story pacing and efficiency, then a balance between MotW episodes and the mytharc/emotional journeys’ of the characters could be struck. We could move through the story more even keeled instead of thumping back and forth on an either-mytharc-or-an-ill-fitting-MotW seesaw.

Pacing: we’ve just spent two episodes and a couple of months in show time fragmenting ONE of Dean’s issues into post-episode footnotes when it could’ve been dealt with as one MAJOR plot point. What’s fascinating isn’t the conversation itself, which should’ve only taken 4 minutes of show time (not months), it’s the consequences of Dean’s revelation. What are the ramifications? How is Dean going to move forward? Does this affect the way Sam sees his brother? Apparently the angels know what Dean did, but do they know he enjoyed it and does/would that change their mission? The answers to those questions are THE STORY, not the revelation itself.   We only have 11 episodes left to touch on a number of interesting and relevant ideas, some of which stem from just this reveal, some of which are Dean’s other issues, and some of which are Sam’s. What’s discussed needs to be cherry picked because there’s not the time to satisfactorily address all of them; I’d like to see the story (the evolution of the characters and their interactions) continually move forward instead of stagnate over catalyzing plot points.

Efficiency: an episode can forward the mytharc/character development and provide an open-and-closed satisfying case file if the MotW spins organically into character and plot reveals.   S1, perhaps the season with the most “stand alone episodes”, had gorgeous MotW episodes that ECONOMICALLY SHOWED the evolution of the boys’ relationship, what they needed and wanted, what they were scared of. In “Home” we saw and felt Dean’s desperation as he made a tearful call to John asking for help because there’s something in their house in Lawrence, and we didn’t need to be told about Dean’s big brother complex and his need to protect Sam because we saw his wide-eyed panic and him sprinting across the lawn to frantically chop at the door with an axe to get to Sam. Likewise in “Scarecrow”, we saw Sam’s shift from Dean’s brother to Dean’s brother when he walked away from Meg, California, momentarily abandoning revenge and his search for John for Dean. These revelations were all accomplished through short scenes sprinkled throughout the episode, done efficiently through ACTION that SPUN DIRECTLY from reactions to the MotW situation instead of the writers having to waste time trying to EXPLAIN separately what they want us to see with contrived dialogue and strangely contorted and convoluted relationships between the surface story.

Furthermore, Kripke needs to stop taking major reveals and shoving them into the corners of marginally and poorly related MotW episodes. The reveal about what Dean did in Hell and the fact he liked it was huge, character changing. Why was it chopped up and tacked onto the end of two episodes that were loosely made relevant when it had the potential to be so much more?

For example, this episode marks the first time in four seasons I recall a human child has been killed in an on-scene act of violence. With the Winchester ethos about protecting the innocent and “saving people”, this is a big deal. After it was shown the girl was damaged beyond redemption, I wondered if the Show had the guts to have one of the boys kill her. And while I’m glad Dean or Sam wasn’t the one to end her life, it would’ve been more powerful and a very gutsy statement if Dean had been forced to kill her in order to save the lives of the family (the innocent) and Sam (the object of Dean’s knee-jerk prime directive since day one). This would’ve hit Dean’s fear-death-fight-or-flight primal button and been a powerful trigger unleashing the guilt, shame, self-hatred, and horror he’s been suppressing about what he did in Hell. OK, Dean did kill the brother, but because that was a character who was onscreen for about 3 seconds, that we didn't have any relationship with, it seems like rather a cheap cop out with lesser consequence to me.

ETA: In fact, I think keeping the brother behind the scenes, making him a male and appear older even though the children were to be fraternal twins (thank you to blackjedii for her steel-trap memory: apparently the siblings were referred to as twins in the sides and there were originally albino) might've been done on purpose to avoid villifying Dean. The brother's face was never revealed which prevented us from empathizing with him. He was literally a characterless shadow entity that attacked Dean. Dean killing an older male strikes different emotional chords in me than him killing a young girl even though intellectually I understand, in this case, the circumstances/facts for the sister and brother were identical (irredeamable, damaged kids who were a threat to everyone). I maintain the emotional fan response was why Kripke and Co. playing it safe here, why they protected Dean's character by keeping the brother intentionally hidden as much as possible (plot and character development wise) to the point that his reveal was almost out-of-left-field ridiculous. Furthermore, I believe this is why Kripke and Co. also chose to sacrifice Brian's character and have him kill the girl instead of Dean. While the emotional fan part of me is quite happy Dean didn't kill her, from a dramatic story perspective and probably also stemming from my general disgruntlement regarding this season's execution, I think Dean killing her would've been a bold move, one that could've paid for itself a million times over (in a good way) and upped the entire impact of this episode. Good drama isn't afraid of itself, it's not worried about backing itself into a corner, and no character is so sacred that they're beyond tarnishing. Any good story teller knows that a real hero falls to the lowest of lows and finds redemption, and the journey back out is where the power in the story lies, not in pulling punches and building glass cages around the characters. It's all just a matter of execution and restacking the pawns. [end ETA]

Dean killing the main bad guy, the girl, would’ve also established a stronger thematic tie between the surface plot and the Dean’s emotional journey, changing this from just a MotW episode with a mytharc-important scene stuck at the end to a characterization-defining episode with a relevant MotW acting as the catalyst for the change/reveal. I think part of the reason “Mystery Spot” and “In the Beginning” were such powerful episodes was due to the seamless link between the characterization reveals, the building of mytharc, and the surface plot. In both of these episodes, all sub-plots/threads complimented each other and lead us to the same end instead of pulling our attention in opposite directions. In “Family Remains”, the loose relationship between the MotW theme and Dean’s emotional reveal almost competed against each other. And the fact they were similar but not the same highlighted that the writers wanted them to be related but failed to execute the jump properly such that it became awkward and stale feeling.

Additionally, re-centering the MotW theme (Which was what exactly? Monsters are made? Faultless victims can become evil? Defending one’s family justifies murder?) and putting Dean’s journey front and center would’ve actively pushed a number of interesting questions to the forefront, making Show, once again, about more than just pretty faces and blood splatter.

Is it murder if it’s done in self-defense or in defense of the helpless and innocent?   What is evil? Is it innate? Is it made? Do you have a choice to carry out evil acts when you have virtually no alternatives? Was the girl, her brother, and Dean in Hell made into something “evil”? Are humans turned demons truly evil and should they be held accountable for what they’ve been fashioned into under years of torture? The latter could’ve been a compelling question regarding Ruby that spring boarded us back into the shades of grey discussion Kripke seems so keen on these past two seasons (it seems to me Ruby and Dean should have a very big conversation coming down the pipe). Perhaps the fact that Ruby simply does remember what its like to be human (as does Dean) after her foray into Hell is literally the key unlocking her motivation(s). But more interestingly, this episode could’ve unearthed question about what it means to be a hunter, who Dean thinks he is, who he is now, and who or what has the power to decide who lives and who dies. It could’ve provided a stark contrast to the “it’s evil we kill it” black-and-white Dean and reinforce how much his character has evolved since S1/early S2.   My point here is not to argue if Dean should’ve killed the girl or not, but that the surface plot should be milked for all it’s worth, and even though the it’s not literally about Sam and Dean it should be used to prompt mytharc and character-relevant questions.

But for me what’s most disappointing is the missed opportunity and unused potential. It’s sad when something that’s marginally OK could’ve been pants-on-fire awesome. I’m disappointed that Kripke keeps misbalancing the MotW episodes with character and plot growth. It’s as if someone over the last two seasons has decided there’s a formula to MotW episodes, such that they must be bracketed by five minutes of brother-relationship dialogue. What happened to the non-formulaic SHOWING of the boys’ dynamic and the organic unfolding of the mytharc throughout the episode? I want Sam and Dean’s story front and center where it belongs and given the attention it deserves by entrenching it firmly into a satisfying MotW episode and letting the story tell itself instead of being forced to unfold. Kripke, stop shoving a square peg into a round hole because it doesn’t work and the writers’ smashy hammer marks are making it hard to see the story beyond. Take the boys to dark places, be gutsy, take chances, give us something to talk really talk about. Go full speed ahead with the same break-neck gusto of the first three episodes of S4. You’re better than what you’ve been giving us. Stop trying so hard and just let it flow again.

***

OK, so as not to end on such a sour blah blah wet blanket note I’m including my cracktastic version of what went down in the writers’ room during the brainstorming for “Family Remains”. Whoo! I wrote it caffeinated! No spoilers for unaired episodes in any of the links. There’s an oblique reference to a future episode title, but unless you already know what it is, you won’t catch it. Warning: gross exploitation of Sam's sex scenes and lots of stupid, pointless humor. :P

Also, maybe I missed some vital thing that made this episode rock for some of you. Please share.

ETA: Also, also, if you're looking for a laugh, check out blackjedii's cracktastic version of "The Perfect Supernatural Script" that inadvertantly inspired whatever it is I wrote below. Spoilerphobes beware, there are spoilers in the comments to that post.

***

October, Supernatural Studios, LA: The Writers’ Room

Kripke: *paces in front of the white board* Crap. Our ratings are up. The network is likely going to renew us so they can get their paws on our syndication rights. We need to stretch out the story for another season and need new ideas for episode 4.11.

<---Dawn O! :O

Edlund: A cursed inanimate object that’s exploited by dark side of the human psyche and becomes a harbinger of destruction and chaos.

Gamble: Sex. Maybe biting?

Carver: I write what Eric tells me. *is secretly afraid he’s being set up to fail*

New Guys: *celebrate the fact they won’t have to work at Jack in the Box for another two years*

Humphris: How about an episode that underlines the nature of the Winchester family dysfunction. We use dream sequences to reflect on Sam and John’s relationship or use a monster of the week to make a statement about Dean’s capacity for darkness and his mysterious destiny—

Kripke: I’m thinking something gory. Like with blood. And gore.

Humphris: *facepalm*

Gamble: Someone faceplants in a deep fryer after they’ve had sex with Sam?

Edlund: The deep fryer could be cursed…

New Guys: We have real-life experience with deep fryers! *eager faces*

Kripke: *imagines bubbling and peeling flesh and giggles like a fangirl*

Manners (via teleconference thingy from Burnaby): Just give me something where I can use extreme close-ups. And Phil wants more montages and scenes where Jensen pretends to sing to use for the gag reel.

Singer (via teleconference thingy from across the lot): Jared has dry skin and is afraid of hot wax. According to his contract, he can’t get within 7.5 inches of candles, oiled waffle irons, or deep fryers.

Gamble: But what if a towel was involved?

Singer (via teleconference thingy from across the lot): Jared now refuses to take off his shirt for fear of being douche baggy. It’s in his contract.

Kripke: You know who is a douche bag? Criss Angel.

Everyone: ???

Kripke: Insults disguised as random pop culture references and inside jokes are awesome. *claps hands* OK, back on track … episode 4.11. Scary. What’s scary? Like piss-your-pants-eat-your-fist, big-reaction scary?

Edlund: A cursed inanimate object that’s exploited by dark side of the human psyche and becomes a harbinger of destruction and chaos.

Gamble: Werewolves. Also, Ruby.

Singer (via teleconference thingy from across the lot): We can’t make Jared douche-baggy. We’ll have to trick him into taking his shirt off voluntarily.

Carver: I think whatever Eric thinks is scary. *is secretly afraid of being set up to fail*

New Guys: Unemployment.

Humphris: We could use fear as a reflection on the boys’ psyches and their current emotional headspace. Being that they fight fear, which manifests itself literally as ghosts, even Hell, it would be an interesting to literally explore what they’re fearful of, not through the filter of the supernatural, but through their everyday—

Kripke: Come on guys, we’re writers. We’re supposed to have new ideas and write awesome stories and stuff. *makes Eric-like hand motions* I know. What’ve we written that’s really, really scary?

Humphris: *headdesk*

Edlund: People. People are scary, especially ones with inanimate objects.

Gamble: Sam’s muscles.

Singer (via teleconference thingy from across the lot): No douche ba—

Gamble: Fine. Little girls in douche-baggy dresses, alright?

Carver: When Eric made me write incest, that was scary. I thought I was being set up to fail.

Humphris: *mumbles*

New Guys: *look at Humphris* What? Balls?

Kripke: Hmm, balls … interesting. *steeples fingers*

Singer (via teleconference thingy from across the lot): Didn’t we do a ball scene with Bobby in that episode, “Hey, God, I’m Dean”?

Gamble: It was “Are You There God, It’s me, Dean Winchester”! And Judy Blume was my favorite teen author. She wrote about periods.

Humphris: No, not balls. DOLLS! Dolls are freaky. Dolls with dead, staring eyes and cut-off hair! But nobody will listen to me anyway… *rages*

New Guys: *back away slowly on rolly chairs* OK, dolls. Yeah. Not scarier than ~~anyone~~ anything else.

Kripke: Hmm, dolls … interesting. *rubs chin*

Manners (via teleconference thingy from Burnaby): Let’s do an episode where the boys crawl into a small space. Small spaces are good for extreme close-ups. Also, I can get the crew to dump water on them and laugh again.

Singer (via teleconference thingy from across the lot): Jared has nothing in his contract prohibiting waterboarding or Chinese water torture as long as it doesn’t involve douching.

Manners: And lets shoot it at that place where we shot “Faith” so Phil can do a montage to a Blue Oyster Cult song featuring the cow bell.

Kripke: *jumps up* OK, I got it! Episode 4.11! Think savage Missy Bender with incest and rolling balls and hairless dolls in the small space between walls shot at the place where we did the Blue Oyster Cult montage! *jazz hands* Is that kick ass or what? An extra Christmas bonus for anyone who can figure out a way to stick in the licked-hand urban legend and reference Scooby Doo and Casper the Ghost again.

Everyone: Eric, you are the God of Awesomeness! Let us worship at the shrine! \o/ *spins on their rolly chairs*

Kripke: Carver, you’re writing.

Carver: *Feels sheer terror. Glee. Suspicion. Silently wonders if he’s being set up to fail*

Gamble: Can it be Sam’s hand that’s licked?

*fade to black* ;)

The Tale of The Person Who Once Upon a Time Didn't Watch TV

2009-01-12T08:46:33Z

Once upon a time there was a person who had a very short attention span, no patience for TV shows of any sort, and who--even though she valued her friends' opinions--always found other things to do rather than sit down and watch her friends' TV show recommendations.

This person's friend, ninkenate, persistently raved about this show "about brothers" and kept sending pictures of someone named Jensen Ackles to this person in order to get them to watch "Supernatural". This person was mildly alarmed by Jensen Ackles's lips (which were the biggest boy lips that this person had ever seen) and made silly but not ill-intended jokes about all the collegen making enunciation difficult. One night at the gym, this person was bemoaning the fact that working out was boring and Grey's Anatomy was even "boringer" (even with Meredith Grey supposedly drowning) when, on her fifth round of channel surfing, she spotted a huge pair of lips. Jensen Ackles's lips. And wanting to see if he really had trouble speaking his consonants, she watched. And watched. And found that Jensen Ackles was funny as hell and almost fell off the exercise machine. This person also discovered there was another guy who was very tall and bitchy and found almost everything about this show visually pleasing. When the show was over she was sad but happy not to have to work out anymore because she was hungry. So she proceeded to go home and eat ice cream and google Supernatural until she found the CW network's web page. This person then watched all the episodes on the website in a week, then bought the previous seasons' DVDs and watched those late into the night, scaring herself senseless because her husband was out of town for the month and it was dark at night. This person watched all the DVD extras and was sad when everything that could be watched was watched.

This person's friend, kjpzak, got sick of hearing herself talk and this person's vague and empty promises to "watch stuff" and incredulous looks about "Science Fiction". So one morning over a steaming cup of caffeine, she slide the box set of "Firefly" at this person and commanded, "WATCH." And this person, who didn't have a book to read, slide the DVDs into her bag as she was running out the door for a two week contract in snowy northern British Columbia. For the next week, this person then proceeded to shovel down dinner and run back to her weatherhaven to glue her eyeballs to her computer screen until *gasp* there were no DVDs left. This person then watched all the DVD extras and was sad when everything that could be watched was watched.

This person's friend, kjpzak (again), perhaps sensing victory over her last attempt to convert this person to a SciFi junkie, began to rave about what this person remembers as being "another spaceship show". Fearing something campy with men running around in tights, tinfoil helmets, and cardboard-cutout-spaceship special effects, this person did not make watching "Battlestar Galactica" a priority. Until kjpzak once again, over a steaming cup of caffeine, slide DVDs at this person and commanded, "WATCH." And this person and her husband, who didn't have a movie to watch one Saturday night, put in the first disk of the "Battlestar Galactica Miniseries" and didn't move from the couch for the next three hours and only turned the TV off because of the butt cramps. They were also thirsty because their mouths had been hanging open. This person and her husband then proceeded to watch every episode and movie over the next six months, even joining Blockbuster online to guarantee the next disks would be available as to avoid CLIFFHANGERS. This person and her husband then watched YouTube videos of "fat Lee", giggling like immature teenagers, and were sad when everything that could be watched was watched.

This person's friends have been recommending "Mad Men", "Fringe", and--if this person is remembering correctly--"The Tudors" (or something). But do you think this person has been watching those shows?

*headdesk*

The lesson in this tale? Listen to your friends when they tell you to watch TV!

Being that we're poised to start the last season of Battlestar Galactica and I've not spewed my appreciation for this awesome show before, I thought I'd do it now. Originally I wasn't enamored with the idea of another SciFi show because I was never fond of the camp or plot devices and could never let my suspension of disbelief fly, but BSG is a character-driven drama that happens to be set in space, not the traditional SciFi show that happens to have drama. It's one of the most tightly written, detail-oriented, visually arresting, gorgeously cinematic TV shows I've ever seen. The slew of 12-13 "main characters" are well drawn and complex, who have conflicting needs and desires, who are forced to make hard choices and don't always make the right decisions. And for a show with such a large cast, the writer's juggle the story threads alarmingly well. The way they reposition the characters without making it seem contrived is amazing; it's only after the fact when you're examining how they got the story from point A to B to C that you can see the strings pulling the puppets. If you're looking for a rich mythology this is it, stuffed fill of universal themes (love, sacrifice, faith, trust, power, the nature of evil, and what it means to be human (or not)) BSG pretty much touches on everything. But one of the most surprising things and what I've come to appreciate about this show is the gender neutrality and power balance they've given to both women and men. Laura Roslin, the president of the colonies, is one of the most compelling characters on TV, and her dynamic with Bill Adama, the military's commander, is fascinating to watch as it becomes this complex thing.

So in preparation for this week's kick off of BSG, here's a vid from chaila43. It's a clever interpretation of world events (and lyrics) through the filter of BSG. Her summary best describes this: All of this has happened before and all of this will happen again. As foretold by Billy Joel. Go, BSG!

Leave comments for the vidder here.

JA: one part screaming monkey, one part Mexican jumping bean

2009-01-10T00:42:36Z

Do not watch this clip if you are in a public cafe with a mouthful of coffee. XD

Perhaps we can think of this as a teaser for the S4 gag reel as I'm sure there's more where this came from. Compliments of growyourwings.